Matthew Buckley

I have no blanket objection to nuclear power, and if we had a vibrant lunar science mission as part of a well-funded expert-directed astrophysics program, a reactor on the Moon would probably be an important component.

Note a load-bearing "if" in that statement.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz saying "It's weird that it happened twice, right?"

Someone telling you we're going to Moon to mine helium-3 is like an alien telling you they're invading Earth to steal our water.

Basic physics tells you they're lying, now your job is figuring out *why* they're lying.

And look, I know we're condemned to live in a world run by people who like referencing classic sci-fi while not actually *reading* classic sci-fi, but I cannot emphasize enough how mining the Moon for helium-3 is not a thing that will work.

I mean, we did build a working nuclear jet engine. We tested it! It totally would have worked, for certain values of "worked."

- Hafnium nuclear-pumped isomers. Because you want all the fun of the nuclear x ray laser (that doesn't work) at home.

- Nuclear bombers. Not bombers with nukes. Nuclear bombers.

- Nuclear pumped x-ray lasers.

Now, you might ask: do these work? No. Are they cheap? Also no. Will we carefully investigate the science before wasting a lot of money? Buddy, you are not going to believe this.

- Everyone's favorite: Project Orion, aka Ol' Sparky. Look, if you have a better idea of how to get the USS New Jersey on station around Neptune to fight the Fithp on short notice, I'd like to hear it.

- open-cycle gas core nuclear rockets. You weren't planning on using that orbital path for anything else, right?

- XK Pluto, aka fuck this planet in particular.

Fine: top insane shit people suggested for nukes (dredging canals doesn't even make the top 5):
- Nike-Ajax, aka "You're not allowed to nuke our cities, only we're allowed to nuke our cities, and coincidentally now we need to invent neutron bombs. But not for the reason you think"

Revisiting terrible nuclear ideas from Days Unfortunately Not As Gone By as one would have hoped reminds me that For All Mankind really went downhill when they ran out of deranged 1960's-70's era rocket plans to put onscreen.

The Arkhangelsk incident in 2019, which was at least sometimes claimed to be some form of nuclear-powered cruise missile.

Look, if anyone wants to read about how to deploy a 40kW fission reactor on the Moon, knock yourself out. Still raises the question as to what mission you are planning that requires a 40kW fission reactor on the Moon. ntrs.nasa.gov/citations/20...

Onboard the Orion is probably the safest place if you insist on being in the same gravity well. Assuming the shock absorbers hold of course.

Orion pulse engines. When you absolutely, positively must put an Iowa class fast battleship in orbit around Jupiter. Accept no substitutes.

Best viewed from a convenient neighboring continent.

Can I interest you in open-cycle gas core nuclear rocket engine?

Perfect for interplanetary travel, take-offs, and landings.

Just, you know, only on planets you don't like.

Peter Venkman, Ray Stantz, and Egon Spengler from Ghostbusters talking, with Egon saying "that would have worked if you didn't stop me."

That already came up a few years ago. Except it was Russian. And didn't work. And killed a bunch of people.

Of course, if we're dusting off dogshit ideas from the 1960s, my solar panels will be made the way the steely-eyed missile men of the era intended: as open channels of mercury boiling away in the sunlight.

I’m not falling for that trick again.

Loser shit: powering your non-existent Moon base with a nuclear reactor. Lame, old fashioned, won't work.

Cool shit: powering my non-existent Moon base with solar panels on the Peaks of Eternal Light. Awesome, involves the phrase "Peaks of Eternal Light," also won't work.

Look, just because yours "exists" and "would work by the laws of physics" is no reason to turn up your nose about this other one, which in its defense will waste a ridiculous amount of time and money and also not work.

Hafnium isomer hand grenades. Accept no substitutes.

One of my weird little hobbies is reading about all the absolutely unhinged plans for using nukes and nuclear power from the 50s through the 80s.

So this is a really exciting time for me, mostly involved whispering "oh. oh no. noooooooooo" in an increasingly nervous cadence.

There's interesting sci-fi about creating a facsimile of a person from their digital imprint. Whatever the merits of that fictional idea, now that I'm running into people who seem to believe this possible in real life I have to assume all of them are confounded by the concept of "an inside voice."

If I had a nickel every time one particular tenured lunatic got press for saying it was aliens when it absolutely was not aliens, I’d have three nickels.

Which isn’t a lot, but it is absurd it has happened three times.

Hubble flow limits the volume in which anything could be said to be headed towards Earth.

Of all the things which are not happening, this is not happening the most.