MITCHELL T

they're both fruit salad filler and I'm tired of pretending otherwise

Counterpoint: these buttholes live for feeling like GI Joe.

Further proof that Lou Reed was one of all the all-time Genuine Weirdos.

She wants to be First Lady so bad.

when I don't know what to do with my arms

went to the county fair, and the 'tattered American flag shirt' bros were many. My favorite brand of theirs is Ariat. Like, dudes, you're just a couple letters away from revealing it all there.

this ain't your grandpappy's hacky sack

and Bill Clinton has a permanent pucker going for his saxophone playing. I love it.

this rocks. John E. Kennedy has made me fall in love with AI.

it just like me

who says good things can't happen

Harry Potter Audiobooks Reveals Cast Led By Hugh Laurie, Matthew Macfadyen, Riz Ahmed & Michelle Gomez; Cush Jumbo To Narrate; Release Dates Set Pottermore Publishing and Audible are unveiling the star-studded cast lineup for Harry Potter: The Full-Cast Audio Editions.

yeah, this whole thing sucks and is pointless, but let's not overlook the fact that there's someone out there named Cush Jumbo. That's the name of an extra-large joint you buy at a place with Rick and Morty posters on the wall that smells like nag champa.

Goddamn that's a dumb take

this is the take of a person who has never traveled outside of the United States. You're telling me every country in the world has no culture???

if the band comes out with these, you're gonna die in the mosh pit

With all the attention Airplane! and the Naked Gun get in the spoof world, I feel like there's considerable Hot Shots / Hot Shots Part Deux erasure happening.

The internet gives us a fire hydrant's gush of what's HAPPENING NOW every day—so much so that much of what came before inherently feels stale, obsolete even.

I'd love to see him run for even literally five steps.

My favorite album from last year!

YouTube video by Comedy Central Ass Pennies - Upright Citizens Brigade

the only thing I'll hand to MTG is ass pennies

Creating a problem then watching the peasants fight each other over it might be the closest we'll get to feeling like billionaires.

After a couple questions, I will stand up from my seat, drag it to join the outer ring, and the event becomes 21 40-Year-Old Posers Just Talking.

Posers need apply.

I'm staging a Jubilee-style debate for myself, entitled 1 40-Year-Old Punk vs. 20 40-Year-Old Posers.

"And he actually looks just like Liam Neeson too. Craziest thing."

It's important so that viewers can pick up the extreme nuance of the story.

I sort of have that job.

that song is my Abu Ghraib.

I lead a presentation while doing 80 up the 101 and leadership watches in horror as I clip the barrier on the Richmond-San Rafael bridge and flip my vehicle. I scream I'll circle back to them as I plunge into the churning Bay waters, never to be seen alive again.