MITCHELL T

your dead AI mother loves you so much ❤️

looks like a leprechaun whose treasure chest at the end of the rainbow is full of catalytic converters.

Not seeing any fried chicken heads in there, you got ripped off.

in my younger days I used to get excited to do things like take shrooms and write in the forest. Then I'd wake up the next day and this was my output.

this man was very high on drugs, writing himself an email.

did you know it's an allegory for fascism

honestly, I wish there was a way to get suspended from the Internet.

if I were suspended from Bluesky for 72 hours, I'd simply say, 'All right, cool', and go live my life for 3 days.

Epstein writes like a droid in Star Wars that's been chopped in half by a light saber but still has a few minutes of juice left to talk.

I'm sorry... Midelfart.... is in the middle between two farts?

Lauren Boebert standing in front of them negotiating her cut to change her vote.

The Pauly D Library

No Kings of Leon

I did it. I finally fucking did it. I killed it.

As a bass player in a band, I refute this.

definitely the bass player

Jawbreaker

you just played the guitar like a motherfuckin riot

I bought a stud finder today and I CAN'T WAIT to make the Ultimate Dad Joke to my wife and child.

RFK Jr. in a forgotten utility closet under the White House:

I like that he's implying that he pisses all over his hands when he pees.

Joyce Carol Oates really delivered the Mortal Kombat spine-rip fatality to his ego, didn't she?

me and the mutuals chanting to our Dark Communist Lord Robert Mueller while the denim burns

my wife watches that show, so therefore I was present for some of it. Pretty much every man on that show was a complete psychopath. The most normal man drank chicken smoothies.

'In 3-4 years, the Impractical Jokers will be praying to Mecca on live TV.'

*me, broke as fuck*

welp, I'm all shopped out!

oh my god.... it must have been his measles vaccine he got as a child.