egg

guy at the bar said shibari when he meant to say macrame

FART CREW

going to the barber clean shaven and asking for The Moustache

where does blockbuster keep the Terminator DVDs? Aisle B, back.

blockbuster closed down in 2010

Yes! Also try these fun idioms:

As horny as a fox
I'm so horny I could fuck a horse
I'm green with horny
The horny bird gets the worm

i bet you could use jk terfling's index fingers as candles, the amount of times she sticks them in her ears and goes 'LALALALALAA' to any reasonable conversation

fav if you think they should add more standups

which number sephiroth were you?

[holds the newborn I just delivered up to my face] BEFORE YOU GAIN OBJECT PERMENANCE, KNOW THAT I HAVE WITNESSED YOU.

Save time and energy by disappearing into a bog.

my email address is example@email.com and my life is a living hell. AMA

can you get a restraining order if you've never had a straining order?

yes ill shut the fuck up your honour.

also the loser, also a bunch of unrelated billionaires,

ratatouille grabbing the other rats And causing a horrible situation in the rat courtroom. trying to get away with it, what can you do

fun fact: the words 'diaphanous' and 'perky' were invented by men probably

looks like a screenshot from a badly modded cyberpunk

seagull against a blue sky. A majestic photo

Moments before I got killed

ahahaha. also Anthony Hopkins is such a cartoon bunny name i can't get over it

[breaking bad news as a doctor]

...let's just say, you didn't skip hernia day

If you don't have this friend, you ARE this friend 🫶

We've all been there

we all had that one friend who would bring like 3 bowls of soup to the club. Trying to hold them all at once while on the dance floor, "watch out, im holding soup!" he would yell

just spelled keyboard as 'keybopard' in the chat. never living this one down

tech bros < technology brothers

g oing to the cinema to watch The Italian Dog (1969) featuring Micheal Caine

YouTubers are like "hey guys, I'm TittyDawg 720p, and I'm going to talk about the a bill Republicans are trying to get through"

kids from the 50s loved drinking stuff called things like Zip Pop and Wow burger. Cringe af

thinking about switching to Splamp

A floppy disk that reads 'FOURTY SIX INSTANCES OF A CHILD SCREAMING INTO TELEPHONE

*slides this across the bar*

"you got the cash?"

alt text: cat mad