Sprinkles the clown 🇨🇦

If you summon me back from the dead, it better be at a winery.

Grandma hated fancy things, so I only talk to her on this Ouija Board I drew on the back of a Denny’s menu

Life Hack: no trick or treaters means more candy for me

Why did they call it an AI generated picture and not a 'fauxtograph'?

Whoever is putting sirens in music stop it

i told my cats about what you did and they hissed so good luck

Imagine praying to your Lord Jesus Christ before going to town on some fully loaded nachos

I went for a conjugal visit but didn't get conjugated

When you accidentally hit “free roam mode” on your Roomba.

When you accidentally hit “free roam mode” on your Roomba.

A large clump of dark hair sticks out of an office shredder.

we're gonna need another temp

A person in a white bathrobe, slippers and socks holds up a placard reading “what’s going on?”

the fifth non blonde preferred a more subtle approach

For what I pay in health insurance, I should get one free MRI of “whatever I want.”

"bakery" should be an adjective. Resembling a baker. "That guy is bakery"

Sign on wall reads “PLEASE REFRAIN from Discussing MATHEMATICS while waiting in LINE.”

nobody wants to hear about your problems

My son and I were listening to Elvis Costello and he asked, "Why is he saying 'my anus true' over and over again?"

Power will be out for 2 hours while the electric company replaces a pole. How am I supposed to be productive when I can hear myself breathe?

Wish for something the fountain will enjoy like maybe a baby duck or direct deposit

Any chicken can be tender if you show them love

Picture of a severed doll hand with roots “growing” out of the bottom

the origin story of the cabbage patch kids is terrifying

Remember:
feed a man a rich person he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to be rich he will eat the poor forever

I think that's how it goes

Canadian centipedes have 30 meters instead

An EMT stands next to a woman strapped to gurney who is smoking a cigarette. A smiling child holds up a dead squirrel by the tail behind them.

Tyler couldn't wait to go to school tomorrow and show everyone what came out of his mom.

You all said I was crazy when I started learning how to throw my voice like a ventriloquist, but look who's laughing now

C'mon, look

Have you ever torn a dactyl?

Roses are red
Pumpkins are orange
Poems are stupid

Don't insult Timothy. Olyphants never forget

I put on my big-boy pants like everybody else, reluctantly.

four dogs in colorful hoodies

The Backseat Boys