Fomo Simpson

Been at the archives for two minutes and I'm already annoyed by a surgeon who was born 190 years ago.

So is the Mushroom Kingdom a constitutional monarchy or does Princess Peach have absolute authority

*disarms a dillo*

BlueSky isn’t dead

BlueSky is just pretending to be dead

BlueSky is dramatic

We should take BlueSky out on dates more often like we used to when we first met

recently I read that most of most people's personalities is behavior responding to their deepest anxieties and now I can't stop seeing it, unsure if that's bc it's true or bc I'm looking for it

lotta folks don't know this, but e.e. in e.e. cummings stands for errbody errwhere

Just took a cool pic so I can post it here in 10 years.

Them: you need to try and see the good in people

Me: do you need special glasses for that?

*me, holding the camera that steals someone's soul*
Let's do a silly one!

People with centre partings clearly want a vag for a head

Sticking my head through the porch railings just to feel something

By their very name crayfish are a little nuts.

Murder, she summoned

Finally fulfilling my oscillating fan’s dream by taking him to a tennis match.

There's absolutely no need to get a room, by all means continue your filth

I just want to live in a world where I don’t have to say, “What the fuck is wrong with people?” every time I leave my house.

Whenever I type “good morning,” my phone autocorrects it to “good nothing,” and I find that quite apt.

Maybe the t-rex was so mean because they could never hug the others.

Flight of the butthole surfers

My heart is pure it's the rest of me that's tainted.

Server: a little Quiche before your main sir?
Me: ok, but no tongue

son: your dad jokes are stupid
me: they're not "technically" dad jokes
son: what do you mean?
maury: *clears throat*

Long story short, Grandpa's VHS labeled "The Ring" was a horror movie...it was one of his colonoscopies...

The fucking exceptional singularity that is you

how bout some <lowers sunglasses> vice signaling?

Not now, I’m doing zeitgeist on the internet

Thinking of getting knocked up at 45 cos I just discovered pregnancy pillows

Who called it dentistry and not incisor trading.

I'm currently working from the tiny office on the third floor of my sister's home on the ICW and just got to go outside and film my bebe child ride by, tubing with his cousins and grandparents. I live a very lucky life!

according to RENT we have 525,600 minutes in a year and 525,000 moments so dear.

and if im only supposed to have 600 minutes of NOT DEAR TIME a year, I have surpassed my quota by quite a bit