Marcus Woodard

Use code MARCUS to get 15% off my proprietary blend of mushroom jizz supplements with ashwaganda, Vitamin N, and Glarn for brain support.

I'm sorry. I'm using Qors to put my Taco Bell on four easy payments $37.12.

Can't hear you. Putting my house down on a trifecta of the Colts game, the high temp in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho on Thanksgiving Day, and how many women over age 45 with coats longer than waist length will be trampled on Black Friday at Best Buy's in New Mexico between 5 - 7 AM.

But how far down the page will you go?! Place bets on Praek and get $400 in free bets with a bet of $100!

Friendly reminder: If you can fold a fitted sheet, you are in fact a witch. Go wrap presents nicely and leave us mortals alone.

Hotpot is 'Self checkout HuHot'.

Bo will absolutely erode all trust on his team by saying things he knows aren't true, and expects you to believe him when you show you he's not being fully transparent or willing to push back on others. He will be regularly promoted, destroying all morale.

Nice.

I totally think of one and say the other.

These people who say Kirk was out there "debating," ... Jesus Christ, nobody debates. Nobody. Nobody. Nobody knows what debate is now. I learned to debate. Like the Greeks. Debate is a form of war. What Kirk did is closer to cross-examining an unprepared witness, or a talk-show host in the audience.

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday.

Apparently you’re not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say “get a load of this guy” every time someone walks in.

I've been busy and haven't been able to donate for a couple weeks. I come home, two phlebotomists are bantering like two servers who are best friends. I feel at home here.

LinkedIn is the worst social network, if for no other reason, it shows who viewed your page. I want to see how ex-coworkers are doing and say "That's one way to say 'was a micromanaging kiss ass.'."

Venezuelan Little League team denied entry into US amid Trump travel ban The team will not be able to play in the Senior League World Series in South Carolina.

@dicknixon.bsky.social Mr. President, could Rubio perhaps misunderstood what he was getting into?

www.politico.com/news/2025/07...

If something of note was on that goddamn list, it would've leaked by now. Focus on the fact that he's raping public education, terrorizing immigrants, and allowing the idiot Kennedy boy to set public health back seventy-five years.

I hear people say things like "When *team name* is good, it is good for *sport*. When is the opposite true? When is a team being good bad for the sport?

@chefreactions.bsky.social Chef!

www.mnstatefair.org/new/food/

I've never actually met Ollie. He's been working on my team for seven years. His work is immaculate, on time, polished. But if you need him, you'll need to get to his Discord.

Karl has yet to go four minutes without telling you how he did it at another company where he was the manager. That company needs to take him back.

Alex is fine. They're no better or worse than you could get. But when they add you on WhatsApp to shit talk everyone else in the meeting is where they shine.

Bryan loves to delegate. So you will need to hire someone else so he can make other people actually do his job.

I didn't vote for bolo ties on the floor of the Senate certainly.

You: Marcus, do you like mayonnaise?

Me: No. Gross!

You: What if we add half a pound of crab meat to it and deep fry it?

Me: Oh OK, fuck yeah!

*(not your TV room)

Ok. I thought I was an adult. I have a house, pay for my own Netflix, Prime, etc.

Then I went to my family reunion.

Next level up is a bedroom, not (your TV room) with a bed (not a couch), and matching sheets (blanket I've had since college).

I am a fucking child.

Yes

Well. To a degree sir.

I live in Minnesota. She's representative of the state. This isn't an insult. Or praise.

Where's Secretary Kennedy on the biggest scam from Big Food of all?

Sweet potato fries are NOT worth an upcharge.

Duuuuvvvaaaalll indeed.