Department of Alternative Baseball Statistics

Florida tried to ban drag

Hitter B obviously has a solid retirement plan with a diverse portfolio and lives within their means. However, he swings at everything

but analytical malpractice is fun

my English house also has one, but it leaks to ensure you still get the full English experience

plot twist: the CSW on Christian babies is only 18%

No Kings includes Draft Kings

Dodgers fans:

oh no

key protest metrics:

earned death
expected potential death
skill-interactive death

angry Captain Kirk, an Angels fan, is mad because Stephen Kwan is very good

baseball player Jonathan Villar sliding into other baseball player Brandon Phillips's ass. Is it Phillips's or Phillips'? Leave a comment.

kids these days don't know that Jonathan Villar invented the tush push

well, I don't like broccoliphobes

Two ways to score in Boston

- hit ball very far
- do not swing at all

The new Jason Voorhees catchphrase has been revealed: “I’m going to kill you with a big knife”

This catchphrase will be used across future movies, gaming, merchandise & more.

where Wilyer Abreu walks, magic walks in his footsteps

Jolly Olive is metrosexual

Wow what an honor

interested fans should google "Pete Rose 14" to learn more

the signal mysteriously drops though, when you enter the british triangle

New baseball movie idea: Dark comedy where a banned player fakes his own death because he's desperate to see if he'll make the Hall of Fame

Pete Rose is now eligible to be nominated to the Supreme Court

Spencer Torkelson with snorkelling equipment, making him Speencer Snorkelson

Spencer Snorkelson

what if we asked Rafael Devers to umpire instead

it's all in the arm slot

The Royals were 13-14 before the Chiefs selected WR Jalen Royals. 10–2 since then.

BUCK: that white smoke indicates we have a new holy father

SMOLTZ: I wonder what his opinion is on the Concordat of Worms

BUCK: what the

SMOLTZ: The investiture controversy was a blight that ruined Europe for centuries

BUCK: what’s going on h…

SMOLTZ: False monk!Descend, or be forever damned!

idk, maybe until the all star break

pitchers have short memories but I'm not sure I could survive being photobombed by an opposition dugout cheerleader

the real question is why the Arkansas governor looks like the villain from a Shirley Temple movie

like a flash flood