Dutch late night TV has its take

We're the only ones into free speech so unfortunately Bluesky is the intellectual dark web now

what a humiliating way for don jr. to find out his dad sends birthday cards.

This is why Molly is not allowed to do tours.

"Ladies and gentlemen, a message from our president, Ronald Trump!"
...
*STAGE WHISPER to the person standing next to me* "What?"

*with my mouth too close to the mic* "Donald."

Lynch was a saint cloaked as a transgressor in a world full of transgressors cloaked as saints.

ceo: our company is experiencing growing pains

support staff: ok so you’re hurting too?

ceo: haha no i am richer

We should have some unprecedented events that are good for once

[after mary just gave birth in a manger]

kid: can i play drums in there?

joseph: yeah i’m sure that’s fine

Q: How do you tell the difference between an anal thermometer and an oral thermometer?

A: The taste.

Ugh FINE I'll show up to work "sober" to lead the department of defense. YES without "sexually assaulting" everyone, christ anything else?

alexander graham bell slipping a piece of paper with the number 1 written on it to a babe at the bar

Actually kind of shocked that so many on the so-called "left" on here would celebrate the death of the CEO of the Shorten People's Lives Factory.

No shit murder is bad. The jokes about the United CEO aren’t really about him; they’re about the rapacious healthcare system he personified and which Americans feel deep pain and humiliation about

Ask your doctor if jeopardizing your health to benefit the rich is right for you

I love when someone is so butthurt they need a wider audience to know or they won't feel their butthurt has been stamped with the validation stamp for free parking in Butthurtville

Gotta go to bed early to wake up early to have an anxiety attack before work

Musk's primary appeal is to rather dim right-wing guys who don't know a lot, and don't want to learn, but have strong opinions and confidence in them. They see Musk expressing the same opinions and, because he's rich, they treat this as confirming his opinions are correct, and thus so are theirs.

Here is what absurdist revolt looks like: Kindness. Joy. Yes it's all so stupid but we’re still here, building beauty. When you finally open yourself to facing the darkness, your eyes will adjust and see shape, form, and richness. It gets easier, and your jokes will get a lot better too.

I would feel so ashamed to say I had a close, personal relationship with the president elect.

the federal government is no longer america’s most inclusive organized crime syndicate

My boyfriend got kicked off the cyber truck waiting list for having sex.

too many cis people have internalized the past decade of transphobia about how if they make a single minor mistake towards a trans person we'll go supernova meanwhile most trans people i know are hesitant to correct anyone on anything because they don't want to make a thing out of it.

What happens next? that's the best part, you get to choose. The thing about living under the threat of authoritarianism or uncertainty, is the human ability to persevere and come out on top. You have the unique opportunity of exploring a new self, a new reality, and new purpose.

my brain has become 30% pinecone since covid.