Oh Gawd of Funk

Not sure I’m comfortable drawing similarities between his presidency and an apocalyptic tale, but then again, we did live through a mild version of the Stand in 2020, followed by World War Z on January Sixth, the Handmaids Tale and now the Hunger Games, how could we NOT read him into any of this.

I’m so confused I just keyed my own Tesla.

this is like drake and kendrick lamar but they're both drake

I need to stop wasting my life staring at my phone, is there an app that can help me do that?

may slips away
day moons and deer paths

We all have broken dreams.
What matters is picking up the pieces, and what form they take when you stitch them back together in the end.

After two years of fighting, my brother’s heart couldn’t take any more, and early this morning, it stopped him from having to go through more pain. I know a couple more months of this it would only get worse. At least that’s what I’m telling myself anyway. Cause my heart really hurts today.

Ok, this time you have to admit that Trump is making no cents.

I long for meaningful conversations, but also avoid putting any effort into befriending the type of people who might carry on such things, and so instead, I just talk to me.

be kinder to yourself today, you idiot

Don't Stress the Fuckery.

blinking my turn-ons at him in morse code didn’t work out i don’t know morse code

The nice thing about long weekends is that you get an extra day to yell at your family

Not trying to brag but I’ve been called “really old” and “not funny at all” by some people I support financially

I noticed that you refused to acknowledge my condolences. Now I shall curse you yet again!

I hate when I finally find a comfortable position in bed and realize that I haven’t been to work in three days.

I would wish you the best, but wishes have recently gone up five cents.

just love a cat with big “you’re not my real mom energy”.

Women are only unhappy about their age when they start looking it.

Men are only unhappy about their age when they start acting it.

Text "STOP" to drop and roll.

In college, we had a cat named Norm who always sat at the end of our bar. If you don’t get why that’s cool, then you’re a lot younger than me.

Existential bread is why I avoid carbs.

I don’t drive a Tesla, but I park like I do.