Sparky Johnson

50 should be the minimum age to go on the bachelor.

Get a little liquor in me and I start pulling up the Lawrence Welk show on youtube

The actors strike needs to END I cannot watch Will and Jada do this anymore someone please get this man in tights and a cape.

I can't get a Buffalo chicken sandwich and an iced Americano at the same place because God knows it would make me too powerful.

Morning Wikipedia dive - fossilized doodoos from the rock hythrax (perfume ingredient) are kosher for the same reason eggs are.

They kicked commander out of the white house because they were afraid he was going to fight Selma Blair's service dog.

If Taylor and Travis break up who is gonna kiss and smooch our big football boy? Patrick?!

Some guy: tattoos are stupid. You wouldn't put a bumper sticker on a bentley
me:

I believe this is a Chicago Thing™️

"Britney Spears is obsessed with knives" so what? I'm obsessed with baseball bats some of us cannot legally own a gun.

NFL fans and swifties

Buildng a hype house in the sims full of comedians and tech gurus so I can burn it to the ground.

Can't stand her music but I am thrilled for Taylor Swift. I also dated whiny nerds through my 20s and then married the first jock that came into my life. I am broody enough for the both of us, I needed a husband with golden retriever energy.

the NYPD crime roomba

A dalek opened up to reveal the mutant inside

Urban Meyer on the college football pregame looking like absolute ass lol.

In almost any situation the safest food is cooked to a high temperature, and on the street you can watch them do that with your own eyes.

Denny's just served me the strongest bloody Mary I have ever had and it was $6.

We've been doing this for three and a half years but I still can't get an appointment for the new vaccine until next week.

Getting tarred and feathered and drove out the west side by a pitchfork mob for going the speed limit.

I will never understand the infield fly rule even tho it has been explained to me several times. I imagine this is how some people feel about bitcoin.

nick chubb accomplice

Hard not to get caught up in the spirit when our boys have a chance to cream one of the world's richest sex pests. I hope they play dirty.

I had a nightmare about finally beating the goblin queen in baldurs gate three and forgetting to save.

Sexy thigh high compression socks

Peep her doing this ruthlessly to Paul Rudd in The Shape of Things 2003.

If the fitbit can't tell I'm sleeping did I even?

Me, addressing my followers

My husband is obsessed with Dumb and Dumber. It is a fine film by any measure but I must admit I just don't get it.

Beautiful women (my dog) have a right to be difficult (wake me up at 4am for slop).