SpatialKimtamine

I don’t wanna but I gotta

Who the fuck do you think you are

I’m on my third rn

Cats taught me to live 9 lives of crime

i think cats understand crime

who just straight up drinks milk, you know that shit was squirted out of them wiggly plump fingery boys dangling off an animal with like 87 stomachs right?

An Epstein list AND an alien list in Q1 of 2026. What a time to be alive.

Life hack: instead of paying movers just give all your stuff away

i order the batter-fried fish burrito every time because i am a creature of halibut

I am no longer following any new men here because I’ve collected enough of them to wittily rewrite my posts, rendering me almost redundant.

*looking at the almost empty container* i am now more peanut butter filled pretzels than woman

Honestly, when I come back as a ghost I’m probably just gonna mess with your audio settings

i bet it feels so good for the bowling ball when you stick your fingers in it

And with his last breathe his last mite of strength he jorked his peanits for one … last … time …

I would add one where they least expect it

So tru bestie

[writing a yelp review] I specifically asked for no tomatoes but they put tomatoes anyway so I accidentally ate a piece of tomato and I can’t stop fucking gagging and farting

crabs probably think they’re walking forwards

that puckered up kissy face selfie isn’t going to get you out of this one

(KUNG FU SCREAM)

This cat food says it's rich in turkey but I reckon it's just an exchange rate thing

Live a little. No, not like that.

can you imagine the first fucker to ever eat crackers and cheese

I talk to myself in my main character voice only

if you live alone do you talk to yourself and how many different whimsical voices do you use

You post too much one day and then you just can’t stop, that’s how they get you

bringing home the gold in being weird and off-putting

shaving my pubes into a helipad so he’ll do that thing i like (land his helicopter on my isla nublar and send his scientists out to discover a mad billionaire’s dinosaur island)

“Good to know.”

But it was not, in fact, good to know.

my daily affirmations are just screams