SpatialKimtamine

(involuntarily offline for 12 hours) this little maneuver is gonna cost us 56 internet years

Wanna see my fight or fuck response?

I took an antacid that expired in 2021 and god revealed to me that ranch dressing is just gentrified salsa

in lieu as a substitute for instead rather than an alternative

Sorry I’m busy making my place look as unwelcoming as possible so nobody wants to stay here long.

i wake up, i crave bread

men are so annoying

“Well you’d have more money if you made your food instead of paying DoorDash.”

Meanwhile, capitalism: “If DoorDash costs that much then certainly we can charge some more for groceries.”

Who called it thrift store shopping and not Goodwill hunting?

if we want to starve out an island nation may i
suggest the caymans

*knocking on your airplane window* do you have me muted?

I don’t wanna but I gotta

Who the fuck do you think you are

I’m on my third rn

Cats taught me to live 9 lives of crime

i think cats understand crime

who just straight up drinks milk, you know that shit was squirted out of them wiggly plump fingery boys dangling off an animal with like 87 stomachs right?

An Epstein list AND an alien list in Q1 of 2026. What a time to be alive.

Life hack: instead of paying movers just give all your stuff away

i order the batter-fried fish burrito every time because i am a creature of halibut

I am no longer following any new men here because I’ve collected enough of them to wittily rewrite my posts, rendering me almost redundant.

*looking at the almost empty container* i am now more peanut butter filled pretzels than woman

Honestly, when I come back as a ghost I’m probably just gonna mess with your audio settings

i bet it feels so good for the bowling ball when you stick your fingers in it

And with his last breathe his last mite of strength he jorked his peanits for one … last … time …

I would add one where they least expect it

So tru bestie

[writing a yelp review] I specifically asked for no tomatoes but they put tomatoes anyway so I accidentally ate a piece of tomato and I can’t stop fucking gagging and farting

crabs probably think they’re walking forwards

that puckered up kissy face selfie isn’t going to get you out of this one