legally bitter 🌸🩵🌷🦋

Selective outrage of the right.

Update: Still a dictator on Day 15.

All the homies trying to love without the fear of loss

He orchestrated a coup. It failed.

He was a convicted felon.

He rose to power on a wave of divisive propaganda and hateful anti-immigrant rhetoric.

He promised to make things great again.

He threatened to annex his neighbors.

I'm referring, of course, to Adolf Hitler.

They’re banning TikTok not because it harvests data, the same way US social media does, but because they can’t influence it’s algorithm with congressional hearings or government contracts the way they do every other tech giant. That’s it.

Your honor my client was being controlled by a small rodent under his hat

you should be entitled to financial compensation when someone honks at you in traffic and they’re actually in the wrong. that should cost money

How many teeth is a person supposed to have? In your collection, I mean

Rolling into the new year like…

A real photo and perfect metaphor heading into 2025.

More than almost anything else, I will miss having a President who is capable of compassion, decency and empathy in times of crisis.

As per my last nervous breakdown

Alright friends! Time for that classic Christmas debate, is Santa an invitee, licensee, or trespasser?

Lauren Bobert is so dumb, she could throw herself on the ground and miss.

My annual reading goal for 2025 is 69 books because I like to keep it balanced between well read and deeply immature.

going to hawk tuah vice into that case

Republicans cut $200 million in funding for childhood cancer research, but please tell me more about how “pro-life” they are, won’t you.

Only if you’re applying for a political position/other position of power.

and now i have laryngitis. mouth gone, problem solved. heard it here first folks, i am now unequivocally perfect

Hello sharks, today I am asking for $1,000,000,000 to build my toddler transportation device. It’s called Kid-A-Pult. Yes, it is dangerous

Clarence Thomas Torn Over Case Where Both Sides Offer Compelling Scuba Trips -The Onion

Clarence Thomas Torn Over Case Where Both Sides Offer Compelling Scuba Trips
theonion.com/clarence-tho...

Goodnight 🌙

Fuck Matt Gaetz.

SAME — whole new world

“girls don’t have adhd” followed by grounding you if you get a grade lower than a B :)

Delighted Health Insurance Executives Gather In Outdoor Coliseum To Watch Patient Battle Cancer -The Onion

Delighted Health Insurance Executives Gather In Outdoor Coliseum To Watch Patient Battle Cancer
theonion.com/delighted-he...

6yo: What’s it like being a grown up?

Me: Remember when Nana gave you a birthday card with no money in it?

it’s bananas how if you get good grades they just let you raw dog adhd your whole life

Your loved ones send holiday cards in the mail. My loved ones sent holiday JPays. We are not the same. 🦃🎄

And that stage, unfortunately, is the initial conviction. It is so unbearably hard to undo a wrongful conviction. If you don’t get it right the first time, you’ll almost certainly pay with your life.