Elizabeth

i had to listen to two hours of hockey and ozempic ads blaring out of a Bluetooth speaker at work for NOTHING

he is 9 years old

“you gotta charge your rejuve up and use it once every ten minutes. that’s when your peepee meter goes Crazy”

trying to teach @oldpussy.bsky.social Deadlock and he keeps responding to every new mechanic by saying “you gotta keep your peepee meter low enough that it doesn’t fuck with your poopoo meter. doing this triggers your cum ultimate which does massive spirit damage”

meeting a cat with your deadname is 1) a weirdly euphoric experience. to hear that name in a context that isn’t attempting to refer to “you” is profoundly comforting. and 2) it’s gunshot jumpscare every minute

turns out when you’re high with your partner’s family, not making a career ending faux pas is like making telltale QTEs every 6-8 seconds

bf just said the phrase “showing bush” in front of their parents

god fucking damnit

you took the fucking mini eggs???!!!??

I think im in the despair phase

sometimes your plane gets delayed by 30 minutes 3 times (for a combined total of a 90 minute delay!) and you’ve been sitting at your gate for like 3 hours already and you think maybe bin Laden had it right

there’s something so magical about hangin out in da airport. anything is possible here. go anywhere. be anyone. drink a brisk iced tea at 250% markup

few things fill me with more despair than hearing my coworkers discuss their favourite pornstars on Valentine’s Day

the rupaul’s drag race commercial bumper is simply demonic. too airbrushed. scares me

bf beat malenia for the first time after weeks of attempts and cried from joy

Every Super Bowl ad is for the door in the forest. It’s annoying. “You must walk through the door.” Yeah thanks, I know that already. I dream of the door every night

has anyone heard about yarael poof

this isn’t a ploy to get people to say happy birthday god’s putting me back in the cave because i’m his chud son

nobody has wished me happy birthday today so i have to go back into the cave and shoot myself 500000 times

it’s a game with a world that feels alive and classes that feel interesting and evocative, but the game itself goes like: “ please select whether you’re using normal bullets or smart bullets or explosive bullets. also remember to subtract 8 from your roll to fire an Aimed Shot at your enemy’s head”

mike pondsmith is such a good writer and I absolutely love hearing him talk about the world of cyberpunk so much. it’s so fucking tragic that the actual game itself is Like That

yeah that’s my bad sorry

The thing I like most about Johnny Silverhand as a depiction of a revolutionary is that he is very unpleasant and sucks to be around. why won’t Cyberpunk 2077 let me fuck him.

how many times does @oldpussy.bsky.social have to say “I’m a chaser who invests at the ground floor” before i’m morally required to make a callout post

bf just put a whole frozen five slice juice box in a glass of wine. worst to ever do it

realized that my girl’s new sword can be used in a sex way

@oldpussy.bsky.social won’t fucking stop calling the grinch a butch lesbian in a way that feels deeply disrespectful

They got MAYBE 5 minutes in before the puppets got too scary