hil

I once told a minister who spoke on a subject dear to me "YOU ARE THE MOTHERFUCKING SUN"

it was the kind of compliment that was very weird but was the best approximation of my feelings I could make.

today, I found out she wrote that down and has carried it around since.

SAY THE WEIRD THING.

Between CR Campaign 4 starting and Dropout's Adventuring Academy, my squish on Luis Carazo is so indulged this week. 😍

I made it 3 hours and 11 minutes into the new Critical Role campaign before I was yelling GODDAMNIT BRENNAN LEE MULLIGAN, setting my phone down, and crying over an NPC we just met. 😭

I am a Pile of Trembling Dogs because they fear the weather, and I am once again struck by a strange tender feeling about trying to comfort beings that I struggle with my own fear of.

I'm horrified by the statement that his murder was the most graphic and traumatic thing people had seen in recent memory, given how much of the footage out of Gaza has involved utterly destroyed children's bodies.

My friends who send me "things that failed to kill you so far" lists on my birthday have started early this year, and I feel very American right now.

Cos "too broke to buy seizure meds" sits right next to "high hillbillies playing with guns in the house."

😅

Of course, during our discussion segment, I brought up how "even when the truth isn't hopeful, the telling of it is" has been my rock for years, because I can't resist sneaking in Andrea Gibson at all times.

This morning's UU service involves a talk called "Hope is a Discipline" by Rachel Rogers and the words

"This is how hope learns our names"

Have been in my head all day now.

My favorite storytelling show filled me full of free wine, Benedictine sandwiches, marinated onions, and pumpkin bread.

Hugged half the room, and now I shall sleep for a million years.

So tired of Blackburn. Just. So tired.

A few days ago, I spent several minutes at the grocery picking up a bagged salad and putting it back repeatedly before deciding I couldn't fit it in the $20 I was eating on for the week.

Just got approved for SNAP and I am going to go buy that salad as soon as I get my card. 😭

AS SOON AS I GET THE BOOK, I TELL YOU.

I already have a whole doc of Wearing the Lion thoughts, which will eventually be a fan poem from Hera's perspective about the unwanted prayers. 😅

Already calling: I'm going to need to write a fan poem from each head's perspective about their experience of the others.

Me at a spoken word event politely laughing several times while the man asking to take a selfie with me gets more and more confused by my behavior. 😭

"If you can do X thing, you can also do Y thing."

This is the most common statement I get about literally everything I struggle with, and it's exhausting.

It does not work that way. Context and details matter so much.

just a lil quick poem Hil published a post on Ko-fi

Trying to write something for an online event after not writing much for a while, and thought I'd share. Link to my ko-fi because it's the only thing I have up right now for posting to.

ko-fi.com/post/just-a-...

Yes! We can't just wait for things to magically become better, we have to do what we can to support those in need where we are, when we are.

I get so frustrated by "why don't you leave?" because I have a bunch of very real barriers to leaving.

But beyond that, I remember what it was like growing up in the South. And I can't imagine dooming whole generations of marginalized children to growing up with no one but those who hate them here.

A queer protest from idk the 80s maybe? It's got a guy with a mustache holding up a life size cardboard coffin that says "we're here we're queer we hate the fucking president"

Time is a flat circle

Thoughts and prayers for my friends' dinner guest who accidentally mentioned my special interest (Dropout).

This is awesome news! So happy for you!

yes! It was super reassuring that she both offered to put them in and made sure I was aware of the risk.

But just... Oof, also sad that it's necessary.

Conversation with a care manager today: basically "I can put your pronouns on your records, but we ARE where we are and do you want them there if the state pulls them?"

Like the pain center gave me a chart to fill out for every body part with different symbols for different types of pain, but NONE of them were anything like how I experience pain.

I also get told I'm not in pain often because I don't adjust things like how I walk in a normal way to relieve it.

oh, sorry if I wasn't clear, but I'm also autistic and relating to this in regards to struggling to describe my pain!

It gets very weird to have chronic pain and seek treatment for it when you can't make sense of the usual questions like whether it throbs or burns.

My fibromyalgia feels like this, except each individual body part trying to throw up at once.

Two smallish dogs (some kind of terrier?) stand in a foyer looking at the photographer intently. The left one is gray/black and very scruffy, while the right one is black with white accents.

I'm staying with friends because of, ya know, homelessness. And every time I go from one room to another, the Inspectors come to question me about my intentions. At least I'm never lonely.

(Third, less nosy dog not pictured.)

Just finished Compound Fracture by Andrew Joseph White, and the autistic MC struggling to shower even when covered in gore made me feel so seen.

Showering makes me need a nap because it's so stressful. 😅