Professor "Bip" Limón

(middle school talent show) How to Say “6 7” in 100 Languages

#CupidWithAShotgun

nearsighted Medusa turning faraway people into clay

I was on antique roadshow getting a wasp nest shaped like a snowman appraised, they valued it at 2.4 million dollars then pulled the episode because I kept saying Taiwan should enrich their own uranium

an mmorpg so large the minimap needs a minimap

first day as a fan-bearer I was fanning so hard the leaves fell into the king’s undergarment and he had to shake them out like a dog 😝 They’re throwing rocks at me tomorrow

last night I shook a mason jar filled with seltzer to dissolve some syrup, the lid popped up and started fizzing even though it was clasped. I ended up setting the jar on the counter and backed away slowly as if it were a bomb

bought a steel-hulled piñata. it’s been 2 hours and they’re still beating it with wooden bats. “You need armor-piercing rounds,” I tell them. but they don’t want to listen. Lawn covered in splinters and they don’t want to listen.

man leaps in fear to escape wombats of various sizes, the room is wood with a Blue Sky window + air conditioning + little air fan, a Turkish Carpet graces the space

The Name of the Rose (1986)

if a massive solar flare wiped out all electronics on earth the first thing my dumb ass would do is check for news on my phone

to me airline miles carry the same juice as runescape gold or robux

remembering this time a late gen x guy said "excuse me" while he was videoing on teams and then turned around to reveal his kid behind him blaring noise-cancelled music on an ipad

for my first stepson I leave you a Youtube silver play button,

not the hair of my chinny chin chin bro

Ooh a snail (giant truck blares past crushing it at 90mph) (my mind instantly regresses 20 years backward due to trauma) 😇 Snow day tomorrow

i've been embroiled in controversy since i shot my doctor with an unsecured gun in the maternity ward. babies born in the US have an instinct, like sea turtles crawling towards the Moon

roomba running over a hamster and completely shredding it apart

Wrestlers (1899) by Thomas Eakins, two half-naked guys wrestling / in heat on a dirty floor while other guys watch

peter thiel brooding at his stainless steel desk with this painting backlit behind him

my diet is so bad the doctor called my sample "manure"

🙏 Time to deploy some esoteric knowledge on an oblivious harebrain

theres really nothing stopping us from taking other people’s luggage on the carousel

I am ok

i let bowser use the guest bedroom and i can hear him stomping and shattering things

At ease, playboy

somewhere in Tainan County

naming a pet after myself

#MagicFlu #CoughOnGrandma

Beautiful sunset. Doesnt hurt when I look at it either (my vision is completely destroyed, i’m hallucinating the world from residual noise) Welp, time to head home by taking this stairwell

now a much higher chance they put dilbert in the library of congress