haze

I wish I was living in the 80s-movies version of the 80s

is there anything better than when a dog is a circle

Referring to my health as my “wellness” is both misleading and fucking hilarious

Genie: (about to make another grilled cheese sandwich) are you sure

Me: (already holding two grilled cheese sandwiches) yes

The big “why do you hate AI?” Thread got comments and quotes turned off, but here’s the main reason I hate AI:

It’s being developed by the worst people on the planet solely to enrich themselves at the expense and labor of the world’s vulnerable populations. Everything else stems from that

Considering how many times I have inhaled Parmesan, it's a miracle I'm still alive.

a light gold cockapoo pup walks toward the camera in a field of grass. behind her is a herd of similarly colored alpacas. it appears as if they are both curious and in awe as they follow the curly pup.

This is Nugget. She only met these new friends today, but they have already made her their leader. 13/10

The most challenging part of cooking is calculating the number of people I am.

I saw a fuzzy little caterpillar crawling across a window and it’s been the highlight of my day so far

Once upon a time, there was a plant. It was beautiful and full of life, then someone gave it to me and it died.
The end.

There are two cats inside of me. One staring at me and one ignoring me.

Eating a salad as a kid: Ew, gross!
Eating a salad as an adult: Ew, gross!

a bag of Navitas brand Organic Cauilflower Flour - white text on green background

why the fuck didn’t they just call this “CAULIFLOUR”

I see a toad, I pick up a toad. Toad pees on me. Will I ever stop picking up toads? Not likely.

*watching a butterfly*

do you dream you're a man?

have you got a podcast?

Meet Peniagone papillata, a spectacular seafloor squish. This sea cucumber was observed on our abyssal plain research site off the coast of Santa Barbara 3,910 meters (12,828 feet) deep. #MBARIFromTheVault

A sphere with a mossy texture resembling a marimo ball, surrounded by cherry shrimp of various sizes.

It's a shrimp world we're all just living in it

I don't have anything nice to say and my mother taught me to shut the fuck up if I don't have anything nice to say.

You're welcome.

"Beam me up, Scotty..."

*Shakes combadge

"Scotty! Yo!"

*Blows into combadge

"Scotty, by all that's holy, if you don't get me out of here, right the fuck now, your name ever after is going to be 'Potty.'"

*Dematerializes

I HAVE JUST PURCHASED SOME LOVELY SOCKS WHICH ARE CUSHIONED COMPLETELY ON THE BOTTOMS BECAUSE I AM OLD AS SHIT AND MUST BE CUSHIONED AT ALL TIMES

Jesus loves you, because he doesn’t live with you.

I thought I heard birds singing, but my nose was whistling.

A notice addressed to all employees with the subject "Cigarette butts" reads: "Please distinguish your cigarette butt before disposing."

i gave mine a little hat

It's a good day to converse with owls perched inside of electrical outlets.

Tried on 18 articles of clothing today, none of which fit, so now I'm trying on a package of coconut caramel fudge cookies.

quantum ensnugglement

I believe all creatures are vital and sacred and we must care for them equally, from birds to snakes to fish to sharks to spiders to

*finds a tick crawling on me*

*throws tick in toilet*

*pees on it*

*throws stick of dynamite into toilet*

*blows up toilet*

*burns down house*