Jonathan Bromley

If words were ever to develop religion, their places of worship would be decorated with Eggleston jokes. Like medieval Last Judgment murals, they would warn faithful dictionary denizens of the terrible eternal torment that awaits if they allow themselves to be misappropriated.

*ye olde alma mater*, effin autocorrect

Sorry, it was a cheeky ask, but it's a story I read somewhere decades ago and has haunted me ever since!

It's a bit of an irony that ye older ama mater will soon celebrate 600 years since its 1427 foundation, neatly forgetting that they ran out of money and had to be bailed out in 1475 by another bish.

This is an excellent moment to ask our resident ancient buildings correspondent and plumbing obsessive to do a deep dive into the alleged giant cess-pit of New College, which allegedly took centuries to fill before it was allegedly replaced by a newer quad.

Gah. Sending thoughts and paracetamol.

It's Your Party and you'll vie if you want to

They played O Little Town on Classic FM this afternoon and I am torn as to whom I should hate more.

Your faith in the viewing public is touching.

@quiresandplaces.com had it his own way for too long. It's #CursedLyrics time.

O come all ye Traitors
Cloakèd and deceptive,
Come ye, o come ye
To Claudia's realm.
Come and betray us
Holding us on tenterhooks;
O glue us to the telly,
O glue us to the telly,
O glue us to the telly
For Celia's farts.

Ah shit. Tom Stoppard. A proper genius.

The cat named Car Wash from UK children's cartoon Willo the Wisp

Title of World's Favourite is hereby contested.

Awaiting lemon scented towels.

Comedy like that could earn you a job with Opportunity Knox.

A physiotherapist told me that a few reps of squats every morning would be helpful to refurb my cheeks.

From it will emerge every one of Tony Robinson's Baldrick characters, each bringing era-appropriate pestilence to afflict the archaeologists as punishment for daring to excavate there.

Portal.

Block Friday.

Do you think that peradventure there might have been some drink involved?

Bloody hell.

Are you telling us they did it with egg-based paint?

We've had enough of your hypocaustricy.

Cheese people are the best people.

Picture of a barbarian-looking fellow with a round shield and a spear but also a yellow high visibility reflective jacket.

Also not sorry.

Are they available in petrol stations after 5pm on Christmas Eve?
Asking for an alter ego.

Do you have any idea how unnerving that post+pic was when I glanced at it with no knowledge of the context?

Working in Munich some years ago, I was a bit shocked to be offered amaretto as a "Schuss" for the first time (in our family we only use brandy) but I think it works really well!

Available on any German Christmas market as "Gluhwein mit Schuss", so it can't possibly be wrong.

My big red coat

The BIG COAT has been deployed.