meg 🦭

i think the car just did that due to it’s Evil Aura

thank god Dry January is almost over and we can move on to Fentanyl February

They didn’t grease the poles. Is it appropriate to help my children climb? They’re carrying less weight.

Will I understand Luigi's Manifesto if I haven't played Luigi's Mansion?

This is not a mugshot. A mugshot is a photo you take in a police station after you've been arrested. This is the photo that Tyra picks when she says you're still in the competition to be America's next top model.

I know we’re a few days in but imagine he kills a different ceo every day until christmas

"you'll co-pay for this"

screenshot showing united health's stock is up today

dying how he lived, increasing shareholder value 🥲

we wrapped a zoo or whatever

spotify wrapped making me feel like an emo teenager again like why is the song for the last slide ohio is for lovers

Did you know? Black Friday is named in honor of Rebecca Black, who invented Friday in 2011.

today would’ve been my birthday if i was born today

Doggy style is out cat style is in. It’s where I let you touch me until I’m satisfied then ignore you and scratch you if you try and touch me again

please god release drake’s dms in discovery it would be so funny

Drake waited until Kendrick dropped his next album to sue so that Kendrick couldn't make fun of him suing on it

here's my 128-page dissertation on how eating bread until there's no more room to breathe can temporarily cure grief

buying video games to fill up your steam library is a different hobby to actually playing the games lol

When the wordle bot attributes my success to luck rather than skill it’s because he’s jealous

I find it so bizarre people actually use Threads

I’ll never be mature enough to work on my birthday sorry

I feel like videogames actually do provide a pretty accurate representation of real life right now because a lot of videogames are like “THE WORLD IS ENDING” and then you just collect herbs and pretend nothing is wrong

hanging out w two dudes and im the only one that can make decisions so happy international men’s day to me

It’s not that I have an ass that “won’t quit” it’s that it has no reasonable path to retirement in this country

almost accidentally sent an email w “hii” I would’ve had to quit

born to skeet all day, forced to wake up and work

Elmo’s beef with Rocco has got to be one of the top ten beefs in pop culture.

they should not give me a 72% chance of winning and take it away