House of 1000 Fionas

Allow me to introduce my pet flounder, Flatboy Swim

Yesterday I went out to get lunch and in the middle of the sidewalk outside my office there was a latex glove filled with shit that was spilling out of the wrist cause someone had stepped on it I'M SO SICK OF THIS FUCKING CITY

Wikipedia article "See also" section with links to: - Screaming (in music) - Screaming (in general)

My main hobbies

Had to perform an emergency ponytail-ectomy on myself to promote bathing

i have just gotten off a productive call with sauron where i laid out our requests

- nazgul bodycams
- morgul knife must remain sheathed unless suspect is determined to be carrying the one ring
- shelob will be the new point of contact

Martin Landau Ballet

Snow storm well planned for? (derisively) Welcome to Mamdani's New York!! Sharia Snow Plows

Another friend put it to me like this: "ICE has made the classic Nazi mistake. They've invaded a winter people in the winter."

"Laughter is the best medicine"? Ever heard of Interferon, idiot??

I miss Vine. Also my mom

Huh. I don't remember eating the mighty Mississippi

This is not who we are. I became an ICE agent because I truly believed in the value of getting a $50,000 signing bonus to violently assault and terrorize anyone I wanted while never getting in trouble for anything. Being held accountable conflicts strongly with my deeply-held personal beliefs

The “prosecute the former regime at every level” candidate has my vote in 2028.

British police officer working the Joker case: (aghast) He’s havin a laugh at us

Merry CRYPTS-MAS! (maniacal cackle as I pull a coffin lid down over my cubicle) (I'm still at work, I hate everyone who has ever lived their dream)

Jensen Ackles and Tim Robinson should play brothers, I am 100% correct on this

Huh. I don't remember eating the mighty Mississippi

Doug "Skin" Flutie

Screenshot of title and 1st paragraph of https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/News/visas-news/announcement-of-expanded-screening-and-vetting-for-h-1b-and-dependent-h-4-visa-applicants.html Announcement of Expanded Screening and Vetting for H-1B and Dependent H-4 Visa Applicants Updated: December 3, 2025 As of December 15, the Department will expand the requirement that an online presence review be conducted for all H-1B applicants and their dependents, in addition to the students and exchange visitors already subject to this review. [I highlighted the following sentence for emphasis] To facilitate this vetting, all applicants for H-1B and their dependents (H-4), F, M, and J nonimmigrant visas are instructed to adjust the privacy settings on all of their social media profiles to “public.”

Here's a good example that came up at work today

Yeah, all H-4 dependent children, make your Facebook profile public, the perverts need to vet you "lol"

Starting a cultural phenomenon by putting lol in quotation marks when the situation is not lol at all (it comes up a lot) ("lol")

I generally avoid threatening people with death or physical harm on here because it strikes me as a pretty unproductive and fucked up thing to do, with the notable exception of the sentient car Lightning McQueen from the Cars movies. who I will kill

(pointing at the trident hood ornament on a luxury vehicle) Ah, I see you got the new Hyundai Poseidon

Like, I like that show, it was fine! (Not season 1 though lol) But also she is 100% a neolib poster child

Leslie Knope was afraid of causing controversy over a gay penguin wedding, and she has portraits of both Nancy goddamn Pelosi AND Condoleezza fucking Rice on her "Wall of Inspirational Women"

Like, what's not to get here

Alan, it’s time

ME: Jesus christ. The Chicken Man? When was this?

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN: last night

ME: fuck.... well, at least his house is okay

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN: *looks concerned*