jeremy kaplowitz

old lady stock photo

remember the Hawk Tuah girl? this is her now

one time clare and i tried to convince alyssa that shellfish is kinda vegan but she wouldn't have it. they're like BARELY animals

why do people remove their rib so they can suck their own dick? if you just remove your dick, you can suck it far more easily

stealing paintings from museums will soon be considered just another tool in the artist's toolbelt

you don't understand. as someone who isn't inherently good at art, stealing paintings from the museum is the *only* way i'm able to express myself creatively. i wouldn't be able to paint beautiful portraits. but by breaking into a museum and stealing the paintings, now i am

junior year of college, my friends and i stole a giant construction sign thingy and hung it in our apartment like a trophy. unfortunately the only pic of it i can find is of us dressed as powerpuff girls on halloween circa 2013

meet the genius CEO whose start-up is using AI to upscale hardcore porn and play it at the Sphere

no you're thinking of @rftb.bsky.social

for just $5 a month you can watch the beloved children's tv show Arthur or you can listen to Alex, Jeremy, and Clare try to guess the puns in New York Post articles about Brazilian sex workers. or you can buy half of one beer

probably a bad sign for both of us that PBS and my shitty podcast have the same $5 a month subscription business plan

adobe premiere podcast timeline. you can see edits up until where i'm at in the video (25 min) of an hour and 20 or so

like chipping away at a beautiful block of podcast marble...

this is ai

no!!

we do Quorators the really really smart way (recording the entire podcast on one track) so it's even harder to edit anything out

editing my podcast wouldn't be so bad if it didn't involve listening to my own voice and staring at my own face for several hours at a time, scrubbing back and forth to see if i should cut a five second chunk of me saying "uhhhh"

Justin Timberlake Diagnosed With Justin Timberlake's Disease

i try not to take sides in drama

NYT: Trump Orders Submarines Closer to Russia in Rare Nuclear Threat

this might look bad, but consider that we can say the "r word" more freely again

can't, i'm only 14

i also predicted that trump is bad

as a leftist, let me explain how to have sex: you basically just need to thrust in and out to the tune of a song called "Cbat" by Hudson Mohawke

seems weird Instagram is making me send them a vial of my blood to ensure i'm 18 years old

i have huge tits now

fuck it, i'm buying the American Eagle jeans. these better make me look like Sydney Sweeney

I’m gonna kill Jeremy now!

but also DON'T do that

Q+109: Official Jeremy Podcast (video) | Quorators Get more from Quorators on Patreon

i pretty much straight up doxxed myself in this episode of Quorators+ if you're interested in triangulating my location and murdering me

If You Sea Something, Doo Something

well it WORKED

Giovanni asking to see Naked Gun in a #nyc discord channel

so this was a dirty lie