Simon Plot like the plot of a novel Kin like family

As long as AI stays exactly like this, stops evaporating all the water out of the oceans, and loses the trillions of misguided investment, I regret to say that I now love it.

Plug the live show Tim

Arse burgers? Is that why they fired him?

A story in the parts

A story in three parts

John Cena Announcing the death of Bin Laden

“We have caught and compromised to a permanent end Ian Watkins”

Which minecraft movie is getting a sequel?

No *you’re* a 40 year old man who cried at the end of K-Pop Demon Hunters

When you know the party is over

"My wifes gone on a tour of casinos in south-west China"

"Tibet?"

"Nah, mainly for the buffet breakfasts"

"My wife's gone to see Han Solo at the Star Wars hotel in Disneyland!"

"Orlando?"

"She'll be disappointed, but he'll do at a push"

"My wife's band got booked to play a gig in Jurong Island!"

"Singapore?"

"Yeah, and the drummer's crap too."

The comedian’s temptation

Click to join the waiting room for the queue to the presale

I can highly recommend Do The Thing shows. @splotkin.bsky.social and Iain are a joy to watch and @stellartim.bsky.social is there too.

Good news! Though Stellar Firma Live on the 7th of November is now SOLD OUT you can still get tickets to Do The Thing: Choose Your Own Musical on the 8th at The Actors Pub and Theatre. It's a fully Improvised musical adventure with live accompaniment and lots of me being bullied

TICKET LINK BELOW!

Steve Coogan in The Bureau on The Day Today: "I'm closing the bureau ... for an hour!"

"I'm cancelling your show ... for a week!"

They just don’t put the effort into DVD special features any more

I think this is the most up my street. What a street.

King Charles and Camilla sat on big red thrones, ala Greg Davies and Alex Horne on Taskmaster

And here's my assistant, Little Parker Booowles!

I would take any level of cognitive disadvantage over looking like this

I was today years old when I realised that this cunt was supposed to be an aardvark

Exactly. And every time you got a nibble you’d have a warm fuzzy feeling knowing you’d made the right choice. Also from the Groyper venom.

I’d take the proliferation of toilet popping ballsack nudgers over the proliferation of nazis any day

I’d prefer it if they were creatures that emerged from toilets

You guys made me google what a groyper is and it completely ruined my morning shit

Thinking about Rush Limbaugh and how, now that he's dead, you never, ever hear about him. No one mentions anything he did. Because what he did had no value. It contributed nothing worthwhile to the culture. Nothing of lasting value. He just made anger. Every day. Rising, blooming & fading like a fart. Then he died & was instantly replaced by a fleet of little replicas, farting fake fury five days a week. Creating nothing of interest or artistic value to anyone. Seriously, what an awful way to make a living.

Thinking about Charlie Kirk

Political violence has no place in any society but I’m glad the cunt is dead

A tile stands on a shelf above a toilet. It reads: "You only live once. Lick the bowl."

My mum keeps this in the kitchen, but I decided to move it. So far, she hasn’t noticed.

Everything I’ve read about Silksong makes me think… nah

Oh I thought it might have been somet at the podcast festival