Alyssa Liu was a welcome break from the Epstein Files

Especially when you do the prep at work.

having your city noticed by the president is now a natural disaster on par with a hurricane or major flood

Is Woody Guthrie still missing?

It's not the capacity, it's the turnover.

The Winter Olympics makes me want to give snow a second chance.

At what point did you run out of cork?

To draw the electoral map, get a map of the USA divided by counties, and color in red the counties you fear you'll be buttfucked by toothless hicks.

Paul Russell, in his book, 'Class", suggested the answer, "Thank you, but I have other plans."

Saatva is making the mattresses for the LA Olympics

Waiting for a figure skating pair to write a sex manual.

Saw a car window decal today that read, "In case of immigrant, break glass."

What a country.

I'm sorry.

Everything I fucking own is wabi-sabi.

Life would be better if people would realize that their most important insights don't arrive in under 30 seconds.

I wanna get the band back together but I never had a band.

throw back the sheets
reach down

alarm the animals
and make the trees rustle

summon me

I'm glad that people who bet in prediction markets that he'd die list their money.

I feel better about myself when I live in an ugly town.

Empty the high school trophy case and give them all to him. See if that shuts him up

Do the African editions of National Geographic show pictures of American girls getting their ears pierced at the mall?

Make yams the fourth dish of the $3 meal and you can reopen TCBY stores with a new pivot.

I am mired in the boredom of my low effort.

Old bingo players arrive two hours early to claim their lucky seats and arrange their daubers
and trinkets.

I do not understand the Woodstock generation.

Minneapolis is the new Darien Gap.

The problem with therapists is that most of them aren't that insightful.

@thehandsomefamily.bsky.social You were meant to cover "Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In".

The Mardi Gras would be so boring if it were in Portland. No celebration, just weird parallel play

Fortune 500 companies that have contracts with ICE:

-Amazon
-AT&T
-Booz Allen Hamilton
-Caci
-Charter Communications
-Comcast
-Dell
-Ecolab
-FedEx
-General Dynamics
-L3Harris
-Motorola
-Thermo Fisher
-UPS

Know who profits from Trump's cruelty.

Someone please blow an Aztec death whistle at the gorilla enclosure at the zoo and tell me what happens.