Siege

Passed the metal detector even though I was listening to Tool.

I’m old enough to remember the satisfaction of slamming down the phone to hang up on someone

Single-panel cartoon by Tom Toro. It's a simple drawing, consisting of a single line. It starts on the left with the three steps of an Olympic medals podium, then continues to the right into a barstool and then a bar with a bottle and glass on it.

Ready to mount my own podium

I see that you're still obsessed with me

We must now be decent
people in indecent times.

The teeny blink at the end.

Honestly, when I come back as a ghost I'm probably just gonna reorganise the random shit that you leave on top of your fridge.

Look at banner Michael!

Thanks for the invite, but I already have plans to set myself on fire.

Coffin’s aren’t called Sneezin’s because no one sneezes before they die but lots be coughin’.

A close-up of a Odin, a brown shar pei / lab mix, lying on a rug, with soft shadows and sunlight highlighting his rolls. he has a calm expression looking up showing the white of his eyes. One paw is visible under his chin. his snoot is ready for boops

ODIN SKYLINE CLEANSE 🐕🖤

A room lit by deerskin lamps is called bambiant lighting.

A family dinner sounds nice but I doubt I could eat one human let alone a nuclear amount.

unfollowed. muted. blocked. electrocuted. sprayed with acid. nuked from orbit.

Hey look I made a starter pack! If you don’t follow these accounts, your Bluesky experience will be underwhelming. Is that what you want? Is it??

go.bsky.app/NqK4crn

The "Fuck it, send" is implied at that end of all my posts

Air Bud’s Mission: Impawsible

I’m addicted to procrastinating. I can’t wait until I can wait until the last minute again.

Trying to find my record’s itch so it’ll stop scratching.

in the 90s it was impossible to get kids to sit kris kross

I feel connected to all the creatures on Earth this morning and, surprisingly, am not terrified

Remember, you have to be rich to be eccentric. If you're poor, you're just weird.

Ask your cardiologist if watching Olympic gold medal hockey is safe for you. 😬

I love speaking and performing in front of large crowds of people
I don’t get stage fright
~me flirting

The moment he realised he'd forgotten to delete his browser history.

Your trauma and my trauma just wouldn't get along.

Not to brag, but I took Friday off.

Yeah, I'm bragging. But only a lot.

@kellalena.bsky.social is one of the most consistently funny people on here. If you're not following her, what are you even doing

Feeling seen (being left on read)

Not enough people have given me far more credit than I deserve.