Xavier Horatio Xinicit 🎉

I wrote those jokes about parasites and then was sick as a dog all day. Gotta come up with some jokes about hot women who are attracted to emotionally stunted short men.

Do I desire companionship or do I desire the cessation of loneliness?

I forgot that was a thing people did

You can’t feel other people’s love. You can only feel the love you have for others.

You can totally feel their disapproval, though.

Are there any other parasites named after adhesive materials or did we decide tape worms get all the glory?

You’re never alone when you have parasites

Nobody seems to support my interventionist policy for bullshit my friends get involved in.

Them: Oh yes baby fuck me real good fuck me with that cock. Can you give it to me real good with your hard fucking cock?
Me: I will try, but I must say, I am neurodivergent.

Yes my Duolingo icon is me naked. Live with it.

Am I really BlueSkying in 2026? Is that what’s happening? Ok

When they go low, I dip, you dip, we dip

I wish I had a roach’s will to live

To the mortal eye, I look like a socially awkward man staring at his phone. They don’t even know I’m a shitposter.

Host: Let's play Wheel Of Ornithology!

Me: Are there any jays?

Host: No sorry

Me: I'd like to buy an owl

Nobody here knows that my last post got 24 likes on bluesky dot app

Women love it when you compliment their mind. For example, “hey baby! I bet that pre frontal cortex looks banging in jeans!”

Most of the time I think I’m pretty handsome until I see actual good looking people and then I realize I’m just hot for a bog mummy

My birthday sucked so bad I had to jump out of my own cake

There's too many fucking people in the Epstein files. Need Yakko Warner to sing a song about it to help me get caught up

Sliced brisket served alongside a caesar salad. Also pictured is a cider.

This is my emotional support brisket caesar salad.

*seductively recedes into the nothingness

Getting fucked up outside the apothecary

If I seem irreverent it’s because playfulness is necessary for my survival

Fellow writers: I am deeply saddened to share that if we want the rewards of having written, we must submit to the mortifying ordeal of writing

why is it called insomnia when me time was right there

time to clock in for a job whose salary has me questioning if the creamer in my coffee is a want or a need

ill eat your free raisinets but i wont like it

a joke so dad it tried to make grey poupon about geriatric incontinence.

my ocd wants credit for the apocalypse

this fridge isn’t big enough for the two of us*

*retrieves chainsaw*