𝔏𝔦𝔩𝔞𝔠

knocked a fake candle into the fake christmas tree but got real scared

the three second rule starts over if you’re not ready

If an alien ever abducted me I feel like I'd get the one that's bad at their job

So jolly and bright I burst into a supernova

cookie dough sex
🤝
hitting it raw

they should make a gloryhole for kissing

I bet you this place looks beautiful in the blacklight

i'm at the hospital nursery writing down the babies that i do not care for

Nightmares about sugar free plum fairies trying to steal my nectar

Scheduled my birthday dinner for 4pm so there is much more time for crying.

Diabolical

Meme of a silly drawing of "loading" their thoughts.

I have no words I'm fucking cackling over this

In this economy I don't blame you

😏

Ha, skill issue

bsky is where i can put a face and name to the voices in my head

Jack Frost will nip at any exposed protuberance of the body

The last bit of lotion you fight so hard for that blasts into your hand looking like bird shit

Hell hath no fury like a woman who didn’t get anything from the store when she said she didn’t want anything from the store

utterly disgusting and ridiculous (post)

…

(wakes up) likes and comments? this kind of behavior should not be encouraged

Rapid fire reposting i only got two rounds left

Emergency contact? No thanks. Let me die.

the girl with the mistletoe tattoo on the small of her back

A diet where I can eat a lot of cheese

How can we be soulmates if you don’t repost my stupid jokes?

Hamburger should really help sloppy joe

Ruining the potluck by mistaking a can of wet dog food for cream of mushroom in my crockpot recipe

Blood stains on my titties

Loading my water guns with magical moon water tonight