Steve Rochester

Genuinely forgot Stekelenburg ever played for us

Kevin de Bruyne models the new Napoli zombie goatse badge shirt

The new Hallowe’en Napoli badge is spooky for all the wrong reasons, for a particular generation of internet users. Come on, you know what it looks like.

VERY surprised that big, gravel-throat, Easter Island-head Brexit, Ibiza-frequenting long-ball low-block two-foot-tackles and 70-crosses-a-game-merchant Sean Dyche didn’t jump at the chance to manage Rangers. Seem tailor-made for each other.

I went to see Spineshank in the quite small English town I grew up in. We were all shocked that they would come to someone so tiny. I still have a plectrum of theirs that I plucked out of the air at the end of the set. They were fucking awesome.

Properly apocalyptic skies above Barcelona today. Have a friend coming from Costa Rica 🇨🇷 for his first experience of CE Europa tonight - hope the rain holds off! #CEE #Nastic #1RFEF

Wild the influence that FFP is having on the Premier League. Villa and Newcastle look like two completely different teams compared to last season. Should’ve won that today, and handily at that. But it’s good to see Everton looking class again. #Everton #EFC

KIM KITSURAGI - "What is it, detective? Can you make it out?"

BULLET - "if you read this you are gay lmao"

1. "It, um, doesn't say anything."

2. "Transgender ideology. My old foe."

3. [Espirit de Corps - Medium 10] "I think you should read it for yourself, Kim."

I’ve read a TON of Charlie Kirk discourse over the last couple of days, but one person in particular hasn’t been asked for her opinion, and I think that’s a shame, in the circumstances.

So, does anyone have a contact number for Alanis Morrisette?

I kind of think this is just the face he makes when one of his staffers has told him he’s supposed to feel sad. Like, he’s seen the face made but he’s never had to pretend to be sad himself before.

Apropos of nothing, here's a thread of some Charlie Kirk highlights

Well then

Right wing political commentator. Garden variety Trump apologist and (ironically) staunch defender of the right to bear arms. lol.

Turns out he really was a bent ref, as well as being a bent ref! youtu.be/8Ou0fSPZax4

A blatant shirt pull on George Edwards, CE Europa winger, in the box by a Sevilla Atlético defender. It wasn’t given as a penalty despite a VAR check.

If your league has VAR, and the VAR official isn’t giving a penalty for *this*, then what purpose does it serve? #CEEUROPA

Welcome! I’ve been a season ticket holder now for about five years, come say hi to The Old Bastards in a couple of weeks time!

It’s very funny to me that Helen Serafinowicz is celebrating a smash-hit new stage show surrounded by loved ones and industry darlings while Linehan is tweeting himself into police custody. That’s a modern-day Aesop’s fable, right there.

I think I speak for all of us when I say, “lol, lmao”

Obsessed with the absolute shade of referring to Giuliani as “Former Masked Singer contestant”

This run of form is for every Evertonian who still wakes up in cold sweats having dreamt about Antolín Alcaraz

Two assists last week against Brighton.

Two assists against Wolves today.

Jack Grealish is a player reborn at Everton under David Moyes.

I still think about his assist for Richarlison in the Mersey derby. I want that playing on a loop at my funeral

Jack Grealish is the dog’s bollocks. We haven’t had a player like this since James Rodriguez. Just another level. #EFC #Everton

I’m guessing it’s similar to Alan Partridge’s “crab-flavoured sticks”

Wow. If true, that’s a pretty enormous leap up from the ~20k he’s currently on. Maybe being poorly advised.

Best not see any poppies on kits in November then eh, otherwise this rule might seem a little bit “politically motivated” in and of itself

Just as United are starting to look a tolerable outfit on the pitch again, they go ahead and make the incomprehensible decision to stick Kobbie Mainoo on the transfer market on the cheap. WHY? Can a United fan explain this to me? He’s class, isn’t he? Am I missing something?

Seeing Leeds fans on here saying stuff like “give DCL time”, “he’s not fit”, “playing with a new set of lads”, “he’s bound to come good”, is giving me PTSD.

We waited for years for DCL to turn into a consistent, Premier League quality striker. He just hasn’t got it in his locker.

Just seen that Anthony Gordon foul from last night. £40m for him is starting to look like daylight robbery. Bang average on his best day and an absolute petulant nobhead on his worst.

I want this to be our “Sunshine On Leith”. Local band, absolutely anthemic feel to it. I wanna hear 50,000 blues singing it without the backing track. I want it to become synonymous with Bramley Moore Dock.

Mate of mine filmed this from New Brighton. That noise.