Tom Danks 🍃

pooped so good it made me feel skinny

Brie Brie joy is being unbelievably silly the solution is instead to just always eat fish sauce, chili peppers and cilantro

just like a llama

my hands smell like dog (I’ve been petting dogs)

a man with long hair is sitting in front of a laptop computer ALT: a man with long hair is sitting in front of a laptop computer

me when a dog on my route who hated me decides we’re friends now

literally neurodivergent and figuratively a minor

I am 30 or 40 years old and when men (my age-ish????) talk to me in public I still get very like HEY EVERYBODY THIS GUY IS TRYING TO TALK TO A TEENAGER GROSS

lmao I did the exact same thing

I NEARLY CRIED

more like two (u and me)

Garfield opening the door to big suit David Byrne dot gif

cillian murphy

daaaaaang

we love a projector movie and a long island in this house

does tom morello know they make longer guitar straps

INCREDIBLE

can we get a shoe check on aisle 5 I need to see those adidas up close please

do u think jeff bezos ever orders things off amazon

@barackobama.bsky.social do u have any travis scott songs u would recommend for me as someone who smokes cigarette butts off the subway platform or is that just something u do for the defense contractor girlies who buy zyns from the vending machine in the palantir office

it was so good there was a lot of Hog

we’re at the cinema to watch 28 somethings later and we are the only people in the whole theatre this slaps lmao

pancreatic cancer 😔

Obama only shows up when it looks like the people might have a say in making the country less shitty. He makes sure that doesn't happen.

this is my job btw I’m literally the ocean’s mailman

cows hate to see me coming jk im in a mail truck and for some reason they find that DELIGHTFUL

currently overhearing some teens explain steamed hams to each other

scarface is just shen yun for cuba

does anyone else ever look at a river and think if I was a beaver I'd be so mad right now

Steve Jobs died of Takilma

“toe-mah” gtfo that’s a vegetable

no disrespect to the good half of daft punk but if you pronounce thomas in the “french” way it gives me the ick in the same way that some people get (performatively) disgusted by the word moist

Liberals will be like ‘don’t let perfect be the enemy of the good’ & it’s like dawg that is what you tell someone on a diet, we are talking about basic human rights.