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NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST IMAGE: Cheerleader in the full outfit with arms up holding pom poms, but she’s horizontal, lying prone on a couch in what appears to be a therapy session with a therapisty person next to her in a chair, sitting up taking notes. MY CAPTION: "Give me a Zoloft."

This has got to be the one, The New Yorker.

Image from 1980’s He-Man cartoon showing Skeletor sitting in a throne-like chair as a small elf-like person brings him a bowl of hot soup.

WHERE THE SHIT IS MY SOUP okay it's here

(nabisco scientist about to get fired) introducing: wheat thicks

🤣🤣🤣 there is no other possible caption.

NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST IMAGE: a guy sits on a couch with a skeleton, the two of them watching tv together. The guy has a bowl of popcorn on his lap and is reaching one hand over to touch the skeleton’s arm. MY CAPTION: Aside from the toothy BJs, it was the most intensely sexual and romantic relationship Jerry had ever been in…and honestly, he was starting to like the teeth thing.

This is the one, The New Yorker

Mash up Bands:

REO Depecheloaf

The chick fil a plucky jingle can absolutely go fuck itself

Remind the troll it was three *business* days

Magneto flapping his wrist frantically, trying to shake loose a fork stuck to his hand.

Every damn time

Subtly downgrade a band:

Foo Inconveniencers

In hindsight we probably should've burned all this shit down and started over when we found out Barry Manilow didn't write that song "I Write the Songs."

NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST IMAGE: two people approach each other—the more female presenting one is speaking and holding 12 steaming mugs (in three rows: 3 on top, 4 in the middle, 5 on the bottom) MY CAPTION: “Get your own fucking coffee.”

Don’t even talk to me until I’ve had my 12 cups of coffee, The New Yorker.

(take on me voice) 🎶 fuuuuuuck thiiiiiiis shiiiiiit

i wonder what happened to Kennys A-F

“My god,” says the explosives specialist. “The bomb defuser is a ridiculously difficult sudoku that must be solved in under 5 minutes!”

I slowly look up. My time has come…

*Hands you one of your perfectly sealed Ziploc screams*

YouTube video by The Brett Sheridan Channel Leon Bridges | Finyl Vinyl

Time for some vinyl therapy with Brett! Get on it!

youtu.be/0I7mBeShxn0?...

RoboCop: *about to arrest me*

Me: before you arrest me, which of these 9 pictures have cars in them

RoboCop: i’m going to let you off with a warning

Oh, so you’re “cute” when you call me your “CuddleBug,” but it’s all “ew gross no” when I refer to you as my “SnuggleMaggot?”

How deflating

processing grief would be so much easier were it not for endless run-time errors

an afternoon cup of coffee isn’t enough to pep me up today i need to be slapped around by those huge soapy strips at the car wash

i’m a modern woman i only drink from the most microplasticked penises

Sightly diminish a band:

FleetParticleBoard Mac

NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST IMAGE: a person atop an emu in an urban setting speaks to a person on the ground. MY CAPTION: “OH GOD LIMU JUST KILLED DOUG!”

🎶LIBERTY LIBERTY LIBERTY. LIBERTY, The New Yorker.

an app that lets you ask nearby drivers exactly what they were thinking there

Eating cereal for dinner so I can sleep through breakfast tomorrow