and Alan Braden as Professor Upsidasium

When you're a sociopath and get angry that someone else's medical emergency, just four feet away, drew focus from your gloating and you forget which lie you were on.

The thing I least expected was for the Senate to decide their egos can tolerate not being in charge of things.

It’s all in his self defense: they get out of line and into the fire they go!

11Alive news headline: "Woman sits in car for 14 hours to get food during New Birth Baptist church food giveaway More than 2,000 people waited in their cars in line Saturday morning in order to receive food."

Here in Atlanta yesterday, more than 2,000 people waited in their cars—one woman for 14 hours—for a box of food. The giveaway ended early; there wasn't enough to go around.

Multiply this scene by countless others across the country, and you get a sense of how crushing the desperation is right now.

Pulitzers for the best renditions?

Nonsense! That’s like saying I’ve passed the age to a patronizing, mansplaining older CIS white dude.

Yeah he just didn’t want Kamala either. Guess he should’ve written a better door dash request for national governance

"HOW WILL ZOHRAN PAY FOR FREE BUSES" screamed the Staten Islanders who have a free ferry

why we do not have a 24/7 media drumbeat, "the president is mentally incompetent," I will never understand

How do I join you for this endeavor? Is there video, pictures, what?

cartoon: Dorothy Parker meets Glinda while a couple of Munchkins look on. "Don't look at me in that tone of voice." Caption: Oz wasn't prepared for Dorothy Parker

Cartoon: I don't know if this is anything more than an idea that amuses me :) Hope folks enjoy it but I can live with being the only one :)

Just sayin.

Category 4 Hurricane Melissa threatens catastrophic flooding in Jamaica and Haiti Melissa has intensified into a category 4 hurricane and could develop further to become a category 5 as it approaches Jamaica.

Melissa has intensified into a category 4 hurricane and could develop further to become a category 5 as it approaches Jamaica.

I mean, I had to

This is an utterly nonsensical way to report the really relieving news that Plaid Cymru, a party which espouses all sorts of liberal values including trans rights, etc. (and which isn't even mentioned in this headline!!!) won the election by a 47% landslide, well ahead of Reform as well as Labour.

[Scene is a high school classroom. A teacher is writing on the whiteboard 'ACT 2 SCENE 3'.] TEACHER: OK class - open up Macbeth to Act 2 Scene 3... TEACHER: So - does anybody have any ideas on Shakespeares meaning behind the character of 'the Porter' in this scene? [A voice comes from off-scene, behind the teacher's back[. VOICE: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. TEACHER [turning round]: Sorry….. who are you? [We see a wider scene that shows it is the GHOST OF WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, hovering over the heads of the startled students] SHAKESPEARE: I'm the Ghost of Shakespeare and I've come back to say: this scene means *absolutely nothing*. The Porter is a funny drunk bloke I lobbed in to cover a costume change! I mean like, not everything I did was genius OK? Stop giving me the ick. TEACHER: So um...what do you suggest we study? SHAKESPEARE: The most important text in British culture! TEACHER: Which is...? SHAKESPEARE: 'Bollocks People Say on the Internet.' TEACHER: You think we should study... bollocks people say on the internet? SHAKESPEARE: Yes. TEACHER: But Mr Shakespeare... your Porter scene was a question in a past GCSE paper... We need to analyse it so the kids don't end up failing their exams... SHAKESPEARE: Yes, and I'm just suggesting you should analyse Bollocks People Say on the Internet instead, so they don't end up painting flags on roundabouts. [Silent pause] TEACHER: OK class - open up your phones to X... [ends]

You don’t need permission to draw weird. You already have the license. 🧾🌀

Somewhere between 1-3

I had a friend who used deer piss in a syringe to add seasoning to cloth car seats belonging to a feuding neighbor. Pushed in past the seals on the window and let fly. This was in the middle of summer, and the neighbor had flown out on vacation, so you imagine their joy later…

I hear the Epstein Ballroom will be illuminated solely by gaslighting.

We couldn’t get that lucky

Grandiloquent Word of the Day logo - Sepia-toned graphic with a baroque Victorian typeface and an illustration of a large, horse-drawn wagon with the word "ICE" upon the side.

Yakhdan [YAK-don]
(n.)
- A container for transporting ice, pulled by a pack animal.

Use:
“Inglenook radioed ahead as they neared New York Harbor, requesting a sufficiently capacious yakhdan suitable for the transport of a large perishable specimen to the American Museum of Natural History.”

PANEL 1: GRANP, an older bald man with a grey mustache, holds a bowl of something white, looking curiously at it. A big yellow starbust in the corner reads: It’s easy to east healthy! Text: Instead of mashed potatoes, mashed cauliflower! PANEL 2: GRAMP holds a bowl of green noodles, looking oddly at the fork he holds with floppy green noodles falling off of it. Text: Instead of pasta noodles, squash noodles! PANEL 3: GRAMP, eyes dilated, holds a yellow and green bag with flowers on it up to his mouth, pouring brown stuff in to his mouth. Text: Instead of chocolate, straight-up potting soil! Big Yellow starburst in the corner: TASTE MEANS NOTHING,NOW! ——— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller

COMIC: IT'S EASY TO EAT HEALTHY!

Panels 1 and 2 Interior. "I love autumn!" Says a book to its owner. "It's so romantic! Let's put on a big scarf, go to the park, and read on a bench as the orange leaves fall around us in the low sun." Panel 3 Caption: Soon. Image: they are now outside sheltering under an unbrella in torrential rain. "Shall we go home?" says the reader. "Yes please. I'm getting soggy." says the book.

...and another.

Title: The leaves Image 1: Two leaves hang from branches. "Would you like to hear my new poem?" Says one "Is it another one about the inevitability of death?" replies a smaller leaf. Image 2: "It's autumn! What else am i going to write about?" says the poet leaf. "Well, we've all turned this lovely reddish colour." says the small leaf. Image 3: "Actually, that could make a very nice poem. Thanks!" says the poet. Image 4. The small leaf begins to reply but is blown away by a gust of wind. Image 5: Later. The solitary poet leaf recites a poem: "The year dies. I cling hopelessly. In the end all things fall."

A cartoon about autumn....

Nation’s Indigenous People Confirm They Don’t Need Special Holiday, Just Large Swaths Of Land Returned Immediately

Nation’s Indigenous People Confirm They Don’t Need Special Holiday, Just Large Swaths Of Land Returned Immediately https://theonion.com/nation-s-indigenous-people-confirm-they-don-t-need-spec-1839033177/

JUST IN: A federal judge has granted the New York Times’ demand for a list of Elon Musk’s security clearances. storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...

The image is an X post by RB (@rbisrb ) from 1 day ago, with the caption "Absolutely..." The post includes a meme featuring a photo of several men in suits, with text overlay stating: "Instead of 'billionaires' can we go back to calling them 'robber barons'?" The individuals in the photo appear to be prominent figures, though they are not specifically identified.

I’m down for this.

❤️