Dave Espley

Yawns are weird. You're tired? Why don't you open your mouth really big about it? What's that? You're not tired, but you saw someone else open their mouth big? Well, guess what.

"Now then, is this a basket or a beehive? It even looks like a pile of gold coins, doesn't it? Well, it's none of them. It's a coiled snake and it's just bitten me in the knackers. Jesus Christ!"

From: Sent: To: Subject: H <hrod17@clintonemail.com> Friday, August 28, 2009 4:39 PM verveerms@state.gov' Noori Ali Do you recall Noori Ali(?), the ten year. old Yemeni girl who got herself divorced? I met her at the Glamour awards last year. There was a CNN story last few days about how unhappy she is, still living at home, not attending school and quite angry that her life is not better. Is there any way we can help her? Could we get her to the US for counselling and education?

Meanwhile, here's an example of the horrendous things found in Hillary Clinton's emails—the only story worth covering for any serious news outlet in 2016, apparently.

This email is also regarding a child who suffered abuse from a grown man.

Crumbly cheeses are the best. Lancashire, Cheshire, Caerphilly, Wensleydale... hell, even Feta.

The principality of Wales covers an area of Wales the size of Wales.
#WalesFacts

This Trump/Epstein stuff is so typical of a modern political "scandal," in that ... we know he did it. He knows he did it. Everyone knows he did it & everyone knows that everyone knows he did it. There is zero "did he do it?" involved here. The whole thing is about ... what, exactly?

So much this. Fucking centrist dads have led us straight to where we are today. Why can't they *see* this?

Just saw an "I'm no Tory but what we wouldn't give for Major to be PM now looking back" post in the wild and, fucking hell, libs, no, you need to yearn for better than mild guy continuing everything eleven years in to Thatcherism. Stop longing for what got us here.

Idiots gonna idiot

“Ok, we’ve just invented healthcare, what should the doctors wear?”

A long white dress

“Sounds great, and the nurses?”

Pajamas

“Alright that’s settled, then, let’s put the patients in a long shirt with their bare ass sticking out”

Babies are so weak. You don't hear me crying every time I crap my pants

Russia presented its human-like AI robot. It fell down as it walked onto the stage.

Columbo in his first episode looks like a dog that's just come back from the groomer

A radio programme like the Shipping Forecast but it’s called Bin Day and it just reads out every single council in the country’s bin schedule

The two child cap is a test of the government’s seriousness: if you are serious about child poverty, you lift it, and if you are serious about not wasting money, you don’t fritter away cash on dumb things like vouchers to try and manage the PLP.

Young Bardolph here is studying Medicine at the London Sanatorium, specialising in Humours of the Body and Bleeding with Leeches

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Fucking hell

Everything on our news agenda is being driven by a corrupted disinformation machine, run by a billionaire who sponsors Tommy Robinson and who keeps trying to foment civil war in the UK.

And incredibly our MPs & news providers stay there.

THAT is the problem. Not some bad editing choice on the BBC.

What happens when you’re actually offered that kind of courage, lads. Do you welcome and embrace it, or do you rend your garments roaring and screeching and writhing in terror.

football’s all like gimme that coconut i want it it’s beautiful but tennis is all like fuck this stupid lemon i hate it

Right now if the BBC announced Alex Jones as the next DG, I'd have no idea which one.

James Morrison looks like a cross between Chris Martin and Bruce Springsteen. #strictly

Gary Lineker for DG of BBC.

Let the piss boil

there is only one pick for DG - former Leeds United frontman Arthur Graham

No more noble British tradition than resigning over some nonsense everyone is only pretending to be angry about rather than all of the actually bad things you've done.

she delights in being mean AND IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!

NEW - D-Day Veteran Removed From Remembrance Parade After Forgetting His Poppy

Full story here:

mrhenrymorris.substack.com/p/d-day-vete...

Amazing, well done! I've gone down 4.5 stone in the last 18 months, and it's genuinely life changing. Always lovely to see others who I know are as happy as me about it. Such a great feeling. Well done again!