Aisling Morrigan Riot

It's hilarious that not even 10 years ago, I repeatedly got confused for Markiplier in public

You can tell I'm turning 45 on Monday because I have to schedule sex a week ahead of time

"Why is she not responding to my flirting? Am I being too subtle?"

Maybe she just isn't into you.

"Ok, first of all, fuck you. Second, yeah, probably."

This is so dumb

Specifically bring back Malibu

Also my birthday is next week, so buy me a MIDI controller, please

Pay me for art, please

a drawing where lots of little rats are climbing all over the words “smoke drugs draw rats”

BAGGER: (spilling my groceries on the floor) Oh God. I'm so sorry. This isn't what I'm supposed to do.

ME: How are you supposed to do it?

MANAGER: She means she was gonna be a fox. In the woods and shit. But something happened and she got stuck.

BAGGER: (crying) Got so stuck.

mmmmm gimme aaaaallllll the muscle mommys and theydies. toss me around please 🫠

I hate living in the Asshole Cinematic Universe.

“So the King of Pedophiles got the 4chan guy to make the Nazi board and that’s why the host of Celebrity Apprentice was made immune to laws by the Tradcath Illuminati. This has something to do with video game journalism, maybe?”

Fuck off.

There's too many fucking people in the Epstein files. Need Yakko Warner to sing a song about it to help me get caught up

dream jobs:
- book editing assistant
- ceo but im one of the good ones
- construction worker on the gigantic saw 7 john kramer (specifically working in the penis division)

I haven't even gotten to recommending DAWs or plugins yet and I think I just typed the most important part of this So You Want To Be A Musician piece.

Also weeds out potential weak partners

feelin a little off and then grabbing your own tits is a healing experience 🍒

20 different jars of spices and homemade paneer makes me feel powerful.

I don't care if Fable gives me the moral choice to kill that transphobe, I'm not playing the game with the transphobe.

thinking about how much better smashing pumpkins would be if anyone else in the world was the singer other than billy corgan

with all this talk about ICE i wonder how Mr. Cool ICE is doing

compromise: carnal violence with enthusiastic consent

Fred Rogers with a big old timey cassette player smiling at the camera captioned always record the police because they are fucking liars

PSA

Finally, some good fucking news

I need help. My plumbing just sprung its second leak in 2 weeks. I just had to fix my car twice last week. Rent is due. I have nothing left.

they're executing moms and nurses in the street. they're using preschoolers as bait. they're stealing people's dads and grandmas and children. they're tear gassing babies. they're staking out schools. there is no remedy but abolition. any proposal that doesn't start there is an act of violence.

Call me Macavity, because I'm aiming to break every human law

Breonna Taylor.