Pittsburg Mrs. 💨💨

And let’s remind everyone the literal definition of vaccine was changed to meet dear leaders needs the first time he took over. So that’s convenient.

I’m starting to enjoy this…

No Stacy, I don’t want to learn how to make a rustic, distressed, antiqued, twine and wood bead garland. I’m over here just tryin not to get hot glue on my snuffy. Mind your business.

HELL YEAH! Let them come! I’m going out “Devils Rejects” fuckin FREE BIRD STYLE!!!

It happened again! I’m just going to keep doing this shit.

Hearing a chainsaw outside my window at 8:49 at night is… odd.
Let’s just go with odd for this one unless it happens to escalate …

a woman making a funny face with her mouth open ALT: a woman making a funny face with her mouth open

I don’t even know what in the actual fuck is happening anymore.

Brain…
🧠 what now
I don’t want to job tomorrow.
🧠 ok what do you tell them?
I have Reclineonlyitis.
🧠 WTF…you can’t…what even is that?
I can’t be raised to a seated position or my spine will eject itself. South exit.
🧠 You’re not fuckin right.

I don’t have a cat, but I do love all the pics of others! Soooo yeahhhh

I have to say this enema is extremely effective. 10/10 would recommend.

Ma’am those toilets are for display only.

You hit me with that “have a blessed day” bullshit you better believe I’m coming back with the “you have the day you deserve” Martha! Get bent!

Excuse me…hi…yeah just wanted to chime in and say never underestimate the joy of having a regular bm…in turn giving you 15 minutes of your day away from the bs that’s causing you to be constipated and need coffee to begin with. And I thank you for your time.

Keep getting these text messages. No clue who they are from. This is like the 6th one. So I sent them this… I don’t know them and fuck them if they can’t take a joke.

😂😂 Niceeeee!

Took the “What Kind of Wife are You?” Quiz. My result was “Mafia.”….

I’m tired of operating in self preservation mode. There comes a time when we have to decide, do we continue to live with ice in our veins or do we go forward full bore not caring about how much we get hurt but embracing that part of life IS being hurt and then becoming…oh shit! Pop tarts are done!!

When I turn 50 it will be my year of saying WHAT IN THE FUCK!
I can feel it.

Listen Mark if you continue to piss me off I will punch your fish. Like straight chin shot your fuckin bass.

It could be the fast way to go but oohhh so treacherous.

Sometimes my brain is great. Sometimes it’s just there to keep my head from caving in.

Be careful with that “never ending pasta bowl.” I think more than 3 bowls is not medically recommended. Stop encouraging over carboassatosis Olive Garden. We see you.

2 rules.
It’s easy.
1…have a sense of humor.
2…hurt someone I love or an animal and I will break your balls.
Wanna get a burger?

Ma’am you’re talking to a statue please move through the haunt.

Holy shit he shoved a pen in his neck. Christ geebus.

I feel like Hulu and Disney are parked in a van that says “Free Puppies.” Don’t be too quick to jump back in.

Blessed are the weird people: poets, misfits, writers, mystics, painters, troubadours — for they teach us to see the world through different eyes.

I mean if they wanna throw labels go right the fuck on! We got labels.
Nazi
Racist
Fascist
Pedophile
Terrorist
Rapist
Shall I go on?
Autistic is a badge of honor. The world needs independent divergent minds.

It’s the smushy face for me 😂😂

Fuck yeah!

👏👏👏👏

Nahhhh you get back here we respect the effort here 😂