Mister Horse

Life hack: never light up a room, you’ll just end up the subject of a Dateline episode

Yay! I’m finally old enough to pretend I can’t hear

Love The Smiths

How Soon Is Now - The Smiths

Me irl

The only thing I fear more than the government shutting down is the government staying open

I mean, cmon

I always have drugs on me to get to meet drug sniffing dogs

muddy shore of a small body of water with two legs sticking out of the water resting in shore

in my happy place

hi Sharks, today I’m pitching the bacon g string ❤️

Me: "Sweet dog!”
Policeman: "Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog."
Me: "Still in training, huh?"
Policeman: "What do you mean?"
Me: "Never mind."

Personally, I have always disliked stuff that sucks. And yet, they keep making it

Redrum, I mumbled.

How long without sex until your hymen grows back?

What is your bluesky superlative?

I was voted most likely to delete a banger

butt chugging NyQuil is still ok

Toe to toe, dancing very close
Barely breathing, almost comatose
Wall to wall, people hypnotized
And they're stepping lightly is how I figure the rapture will go tomorrow

Dance like everyone is watching and throwing coupons at you.

We need waterproof tissue for those crying in the shower mornings.

Reverse clowngirl, because I’m being very serious

Just once i'd like to see two mimes having a huge argument in a library

Welcome to your 50s. You don’t lose weight, it hides somewhere and jumps out in group photos.

I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly

Just finished that roll of Costco cling wrap I opened back in '03

My life alert bracelet says: “Throw My Phone Away!”