Ray Bradbury Beat Edgar Allan Poe

when do we start eating the billionaires
I’ve got a new hot sauce I wanna try

“Grawp”. The sound I make every time I look at my fantasy football scores.

Imagine being mad you didn’t win the Nobel Peace Prize while you’re busy stirring up Civil War in your own country.

Here’s the simple truth that Republicans in DC don’t want you to know: The government is shut down because they are choosing to DOUBLE your health care premiums. There’s a bill that would end the shutdown today AND fund health care.

But Washington Republicans keep voting NO.

Third Amendment Rights Group Celebrates Another Successful Year

Third Amendment Rights Group Celebrates Another Successful Year https://theonion.com/third-amendment-rights-group-celebrates-another-success-1819569379/

what if i just dunked my entire face into some iced coffee do you think that would help my eye bags

Any news organization that treated "Will Trump Get Nobel?" as a remotely serious question, and not one more indication of his accelerating hallucinatory patterns, has some 'splaining to do.

Looking at you, all major news orgs.

In late July, Paul Ingrassia, the White House liaison for the Department of Homeland Security, arrived at a Ritz-Carlton in Orlando with a lower-ranking female colleague and others from their department. When the group reached the front desk, the woman learned she didn’t have a hotel room. Ingrassia then informed her that she would be staying with him, according to five administration officials familiar with the episode. Eventually the woman discovered that Ingrassia had arranged ahead of time to have her hotel room canceled so she would have to stay with him, three of those officials said.

"30-year-old conservative lawyer and activist who is Trump’s nominee to lead the Office of Special Counsel, which deals with federal employee whistleblower complaints and discrimination" cancelled his colleague's hotel room so she would be forced to stay with him.
www.politico.com/news/2025/10...

“And now it’s six seven.” Middle school teachers will get that.

Sens. Ruben Gallego and Mark Kelly confronted Mike Johnson outside his office for delaying the swearing in of Rep.-elect Adelita Grijalva.

"You just don't want her to be in the Epstein discharge petition."

Gallego told reporters Johnson was 'cover[ing] up for pedophiles on the Epstein list.'

got into an argument with my cat again but we came to an agreement: she can do whatever she wants

A person sits on a fence holding a container of food, looking back at a dark-colored alpaca. They and the alpaca sport similar haircuts.

“Supercuts?”
“How’d ya know?”

I think if the Fantastic Four were real we would mostly find them disgusting

How can we trust this guy? He’s not even wearing a mask and hat on Fox News with the fake name like Mario Mendoza.

And never respect.

Marco Rubio whispers into Donald Trump's ear.

“A second inflatable frog has now been spotted wiggling through Portland.”

Waiting for that is like Sisyphus rolling up that goddamn rock.

Genuine question: When Trump describes the bombed out hellscapes of Portland and Chicago, has any reporter followed up to ask him specifically what images he has seen and where he saw them?

So cool that whenever someone asks the president, “did you eat the Lindbergh baby” he’s like, “no but I’d be allowed to, I have the right to, I might do it later”

really can’t say enough about how mike johnson is a sniveling little coward of a man. a bayou-bred pushover with a dignity deficit that would embarrass renfield

The New Zoo Revue is coming right at you motherfuckers!

MAGA Requirements:
1. Loud, pious, extremely public devotion to Jesus
2. Blinding hatred for everything Jesus actually taught.

And then my heart with pleasure fills and dances with the daffodils.

My poem kind of bombed at the poetry slam. Not a daffodil crowd.

Thugs

Trump must be a fan of Hard to Kill with Seagal.

Shout out to the American Presidents who didn't... (checks notes)... hate Americans.

I’m a career prosecutor who took a $25,000 check from an affiliated entity of Donald Trump’s while investigating Trump University and later left my lobbying firm to become Donald Trump’s personal impeachment lawyer, White House aide, and Attorney General. So don’t you DARE question my integrity.

Get this racist mofo out of the White House ASAP.