Emily Bern

wow they got me

women only want one thing and it’s Mr. Napkinhead

time to relax (turn off medium screen look at little screen while watching big screen)

Told some offline friends that my new jacket made me look like the ikea monkey and was met with blank stares… time to go outside

we’ll know bluesky has made it when someone finds shrimp tails in their cereal

yeah I’m into sports (my body keeps the score)

Should we all go around and do a fun fact

RFK looks like a cigarette that wished to be human

hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my klonopin

maybe the real treasure was the microplastics we ingested along the way

Every nyc influencer thinks they’re a Carrie when they’re actually a Marnie (derogatory)

in da clerb we all depressed

Adam Brody’s rizz in this show is off the charts. It’s like Seth Cohen grew a beard and realized how fine he was and sent an entire generation of O.C. girls into heat

How do we make this the good place

couples costume idea

Why would I go to a haunted house and pay actual MONEY to be scared? My brain does that for free

Christian girl autumn? You mean soup slut fall

But your honor my client is delulu

when boys are like "it takes you 3 hours to get ready??" do you not understand that includes 2.5 hours of sitting on my bed in a towel finding the will to go outside

I didn’t feel at home on this app until now

Are you there flame? It’s me, moth

Oh I’m here ok