This mantra was never mine to begin with

“My first Friends” a podcast from a guy who almost made it

Seems like peoples just aren't vajazzling or dickorating anymore 😔

Jordan Peterson dressed in a Party City Joker costume.

You must have known you were wrong
When your fingers were dipped inside me
Searching for honey
That would not come for you

Roman and Shiv Roy, Snoopy

Was digging out a closet today and found that Getz/Gilberto but there was no record in the sleeve. Bummer

Oh really you think there's a God and they gave me one penis but gave snakes and lizards two? Grow up.

You should get in touch with that old friend who you haven’t seen in eight years. It’ll be good for your soul and they might surprise gift you with a giant mason jar full of homegrown weed

they should remake Maximum Overdrive but this time there are also laptops chasing people like Pac Man

This isn’t even a farm. It’s just a little rural and they have like six, now five, chickens. All this for eggs

What I’ve learned today is that when a raccoon attacks your chickens and bites off one of their beaks. You hunt it in the rain with a shotgun. Because it will come back, for the rest of the chicken

They use coordinated attack patterns and they are out in force today

seems we have something in common

YEAHHH KIDS! It's story time and today we are joined by The Hodge Twins to read More Than Spots and Stripes; a children's book we created in collaboration to... BRAVE Books Story Time with The HodgeTwins

If you have twelve minutes you can watch the twins read it in a manner that makes it feel like it takes forty five minutes

https://youtu.be/wtMjWP7Y0Hk

I will be your pet, your pet rock. I will lay perfectly still in a drawer or on the back of a high shelf and collect dust and be forgotten for years at a time

Maybe Kirk will be there. If so have him sign a banana

Getting that rib removal surgery not so I can suck my own dick but just so I know I could if I ever really wanted to

“Horrible things will happen and all you love will turn to ash” said the fortune that was stuffed behind the meat of this snail deep in the shell

Reskeet with an iconic fictional band

*taps the skeet machine*

Is this thing on?