clayton

ME: *showers*

MY SHAMPOO BOTTLE FOR SOME REASON: Good morning, Let me know if you need help with anything 😊

When will the championship drought end?? The dodgers haven’t won a title in over 10 hours

Grand Tetons pop art poster

Grand Tetons

It’s obvious. The feds took the blazers under for regular season win total

My YouTube recommended is entirely videos called “Liz Lemon quotes that give me life and bring peace to my troubled spirit and are more comforting than a lovers touch”

MODERATOR: What’s the best season in the city?

ZOHRAN: Fall

CUOMO: A season is a time of coming together. When we look at ourselves and see we’re more alike than different. Also, ive been alive for way more seasons than mr madami

GOONER: Don’t cum yet

CHAT GPT: You’re absolutely right. I was wrong to try to finish at this time. Thank you for pointing out my mistake and holding me accountable 😊

“Babe I’m so wet. My servers are cooled with thousands of gallons of water every day”

Clickbait post about Conan getting fired from the tonight show that says he had “no show, no safety net, and 45 million dollars”

[looking at someone with 45 million dollars] this guy has no safety net

IN THE UNIVERSE OF THIS POST REALTIME WITH BILL MAHER WAS ON THE AIR DURING THE OJ SCANDAL:

BILL: Volkswagens slogan is “drivers wanted” Meanwhile Fords new slogan is “wanted drivers” okaaaay

You see me on the subway glued to my phone. “Ugh another zoomer on social media” wrong. I’m educating myself on the outer reaches of the number line

YouTube ad reading “figma to full stack app with AI” plus a nerdy looking guy arching one brow

Nobody advertising a non-scam product has ever made this expression

It’s interesting how every major news story is actually a distraction from the news stories Im personally invested in. Almost like there’s a conspiracy to hide what really matters (what I care about)

Devestating

He looks like if pat tillman was in back to the future 2

He’s trying to use internet slang from 10 years ago and still somehow failing lmao

Restaurant called McDonalds with an M flag flying in front of it

Anyone know what the M on this flag stands for? From the context I’m guessing “Mmmm smells yummy!”

Centrist-liberal think tank called The Center For Political Depolarization: if we simply agree with republicans on every issue, they’ll vote for us

NEWS ANCHOR: Now this young white shooter, was his pure soul corrupted by posts in an online forum?

ACADEMIC WHO STUDIES RIGHT WING PINTEREST BOARDS: (somberly) That very well may be the case

“We’re looking for a guy on a 90s sitcom who tries to get the teen characters to smoke weed”

>>business only reads resumes for buzzwords
>>people write only buzzwords
>>business stops reading cause it’s only buzzwords
>>people stop writing cause no one is reading

Bernie sanders email with the subject “pathetic”

Love to get an email from my dommy mommy

May as well say “I love watching the big game on my Amazon Firestick. It’s as exciting as listening to a song on Amazon Music or ordering a product through Amazon Prime”

“Here at Cuckoo we’re disrupting the time industry through the integration of avian storytelling”

I’m gen z and my mom pulls me to work every morning in a little red wagon

I have a fearful, holds-barred comedic style

“Bluesky is dying” my friend you need to learn how to quit things quietly

The president was last seen walking towards a delicious ham suspended over a covering of palm leaves

Gavin newsom looking as cartoonishly corrupt as ever

Even ignoring his shitty politics, Newsom will never be president because he looks like an evil politician from a 2000s movie. Like he picks up the phone and orders Jason Bourne killed

Eisenhower sitting cross legged

Nooooo we’re losing cultural visibility of men who sit like this