daily reminder you don’t hate peter griffin enough

you cant even talk out loud anymore. the CIA put a backdoor into the English language

i was just talking to the alien leader, incredible guy. wonderful ship. he has his great big galactic empire. and i’ve made the most incredible deal, he said he’s conquered thousands of systems but no ones ever made a deal like this, where Earth gets to be a very important part of it

white boy STUNS denizens of sleepy Portuguese seaside tavern with PERFECT melancholic nostalgia for the youthful innocence which he has lost to worldly experience

i can’t believe its my very last day at the remote arctic research station and a blizzard has trapped all the scientists here and cut off communication. luckily a creature just showed up randomly and he’s actually super fucking chill

here we are

MAGA rebel with $45,000 of tactical gear who can draw his pistol in 0.477 seconds getting obliterated by lib mortar team who can do trigonometry

never say never but they had all the luck in the world and massive tailwinds over the last 10 years and it *still* failed, and now all the grift energy is going into AI. feels so 5 years ago

Holo-recorder Captures Han Solo Using Slur Referring to Co-pilot Chewbacca: “[he’s] a w****e … but he’s one of the good ones”

is it a bad sign when you overhear the doctor ask the nurse “this is a — xx year old??” right outside the door

somos Carlos Kírk ✊😔

post apocalyptic clan leader standing underneath effigy of Obama: gattahavem ribs!!

his raider horde: PUSSEETOO

I no longer drink the whole bottle of kombucha. I save half for later, or even the next day. It’s called having discipline.

pro-Trump user responds to composer Phillip Glass that the country artist Jelly Roll is superior

TSA agent getting a notification on their phone: huh, i guess they have to wear a special hat as of right now this very momentSIR!!! SIR WHERE IS YOUR SPECIAL HAT. PLEASE HAVE YOUR SPECIAL HAT READY YOU ARE HOLDING UP THE LINE

can you imagine being on a medieval battlefield and coming up against peak era Shaq or Lebron
in full plate armor. theyd be unstoppable

women love when your laptop fan randomly goes to 100%

grindset mayfly: many only think about the next 5 minutes. start making moves based on where you want to be in 5 hours

teh rand0m doct0r: unfortunately despite the chemo, the cancer has rawr xD to your bones and liver

everyone remembers exactly where they were and what they were doing when they first heard that baby gronk rizzed up livvy dunn. it’s our generations JFK moment

dear god in heaven, hallowed be thy name, before ye come i, wretched with sin, thy most obedient servant, to beg thy forgiveness and that ye in thy great mercy will taketh thy child Donald J Trump into thy arms and that thy hand may squeeze upon his basilar artery and thus his brainstem be necrosed

if you had been in a coma for 3 months and woke up today you would have no idea the US invaded Venezuela and kidnapped its president 2 weeks ago

someone did a great dissection of the anterior neck in gross anatomy and my zoomer classmate said “she ate”

I heard they sent a crew of 3 civil engineers down into the Sydney sewers to work on the fatberg but they lost contact with them. 17 hours later 4 came back

it’s so nice to be a true lowbie again #LowbieLifeForever #ImNothing

only 2 eps in on The Pitt but Dr Mel feels a bit too patronizingly adorkable this season. feels like the social media analytics department might have been too involved

its a perfect foil to Dawn Wall, the other big climbing doc that year, which is perfectly summed up as quite literally “the real climb was the friends we made along the way”. Free Solo is almost tragic in how lonely and meaningless it seems when he tops out

a cartoon says well my work is done here with a train in the background ALT: a cartoon says well my work is done here with a train in the background

gen x democrats after dropping an F bomb

beast mode