NM Badger

Am I the only one who struggles to grow their hair for two years after anesthesia without pregnancy to jumpstart it? Really regretting my salpingectomy now and not because my baby days are over! I had forgotten the horrible effects anesthesia has on my hair. 😭

Tonight will be last night I have the eldest stay in the main house. One week should be long enough.

How does one survive lectures with kids? Screen mirroring! They got to be included which allowed me to finish things up.

Well, this has been a wild ride. Whole lot of unpacking trauma.

Thank you. Love you.

I’m trying. I have a ton of class work to do.

I’m struggling. Broke down and took tramadol. Not happy. Was fucked either way. Feel like induction all over again which is traumatizing. The loopy makes me feel like I did when I was raped. I’m just screwed. Fuck this shit.

Biopsy of fallopian tubes is all clear! 😁

I’m sore as hell today. Ankle rolled and I tapped my belly on the counter. My eyes crossed. I am spreading things out but moving mountains at home. 😆

Any progress is good progress. Lots of hugs.

🤣 Sgt decided he didn’t want to work an entire two weeks without me. He has a procedure he needs done. So, it is scheduled for next Tuesday with a return to work date same as mine.

I don’t like tramadol. Makes me loopy. Ibuprofen and Tylenol it is. Fuck this shit.

Surgery done and home. Mother surprised I’m recovering from anesthesia so well. Hello! McDonald’s fries on ride home had a purpose. Treat it like a fucking hangover.

My head is a mess. Lot to process right now.

October 3, the day of the 6 month anniversary of the split, I was awarded a temporary protective order as a proactive approach due to escalating behavior. Today, he signed the two year order after realizing the powerhouse backing me. I am no longer small. I am seen. I am heard. Kids and I are free!

I do not want to be around when the administrative sergeant gets a gut full of a rookie’s blatant insubordination. 😬

I might be struggling with all the changes with life lifing but so many good things are happening! Also, eek!

Adult sticker acquired!

Weird stage of healing where I don’t know if I ever loved the ex or if I was gaslighted into thinking I did.

My body is a right bitch. I’ve not missed a pill. Yet, I have all the signs and symptoms of ovulation. Good thing sex has not been an option lately. 😮‍💨

When little one starts asking why no visitation, it means telling him his dad has stuff to deal with and an adventure for us. Going to go get paint for my room to redirect a kiddo.

Friend told me the other night that someday I will miss this. I’ve been here before with older kiddo who is now adult. I can say no, I will not. I’ll miss the sweet baby cuddles. I will not miss the hours and hours of tantrum over sleep. Roll on this phase being over.

Really starting to look like I’m going to be running on a half an hour nap for this next 12hr shift. The joys of littles who still don’t sleep. Two hours and counting trying to get smallest back down.

Thank you, mother, for showing me exactly why I struggle to report anything. Getting repeatedly told I should have stayed quiet and just accepted it is fucking fabulous. On that note, fuck you! Here is to breaking more cycles.

Anytime I start to question if I did the right thing, I remember the expressions as I told even part of my story. Do I like it? No. I don’t. I didn’t want any of this.

I did not want this to come down to this. I wanted to be able to continue to minimize what had happened so that what was continuing to happen wouldn’t be so scary. Having to face this is definitely one of the hardest things I’ve had to do.

Well, I’m celebrating the six month anniversary of my breakup with the ex with a protective order fresh off the press in hand.

We had moved past the morning text every morning… or so I thought. On the 6 months anniversary of the split he sends one. 😮‍💨 More documentation.

And now we enter the FAFO era. All I can say.

Fucking emotionally drained.