got me one of them four color clicker pens for drawin dicks

Still riding that high from 4th grade when my dinosaur diorama won first place in the science fair.

I can not wait to leave this country in 26 days.

I choose 8 months of living in a remote mayan village with little resources over this cesspool of a country.

✌️

I need more crows to do my bidding.

should I rip apart a pumpkin with my bare hands and feast on its innards today or is that doing too much too soon? Do I need to wait until autumn officially begins? idk if I’ll have the day off.

I’m like a bird in the sense that I will scream at you if I want to fuck

so let me get this right: i can sleep where my body repairs itself or i can be awake where the horrors persist? but the horrors are what’s keeping me from sleeping. this is some bs

measure once, cut a bitch

I know they say no one should suffer in silence but if you could just for a little bit that would be great thanks

The problem with society nowadays is that man no communicate not good with other mens

La-bu- Ew

Why am I waking up to these furry demon spawn all over my house like they have Elf on a Shelf status.

- We already had Gremlins ffs

Wanna come over and hit me with a frying pan?

My 5 year plan is a mental health facility with a spa and a swim up bar

Walking
Bored
Listening to Elvis

HBD

Why are so many men stupid assholes that can't handle drinking without getting out of control?

It's becoming a ridiculous fucking pattern in my life

microdosing potatoes by taking shots of vodka

Seeing your delivery driver on the map is nice but what I really need is to be able to see where all the cops are.

We are so believably fucked.

I would make an amazing bodega cat

New York isn’t even a real place lol

petition to have all the things that are currently happening stop from continuing to happen

bb is short for bluesky boyfriend

i’m going to start doing stand-up and by stand-up i mean drugs

putting a hex on you so that everywhere you live is part of a HOA

It's lame here...I miss you

Hi friends the world is terrible hope you’re well

Other women: looking sexy as they bite their lip seductively 
Me:

I got a few lost souls I can throw on the fire... 🔥

I'm the only one who knows the secret pass code!!!