Ed Morrish

this is the worst idea they’ve had since they said they were going to build a pub at the bottom of the ocean…

… 😎…

…and that’s a very low bar

oh sure when i reanimate the dead it's "an affront to God and all that is human" but when jim acosta does it, it's news

Fuß Tattoo Motiv der Kopf von Dr. Zoidberg aus Futurama (farbig, rot) die Zehen dienen als Mund Tentakel

Das perfekte Tattoo existiert ni-

I take off my sports bra like everybody else, dislocating one shoulder at a time.

As retirement looms I start eyeing up video game systems. Can't wait to become the ancient terror of online gaming.

[curtseying] m’lady

[reads d’s posts]

[nodding a bit] m’woman

under english law you’re now married

I hate when you're having sex and you accidentally yell the name of the wrong Ninja turtle

ME: I just got kicked off the jury at uncle Alan's trial.

MY MOM: It’s probably because you know him.

ME: [taking off my Chewbacca costume] Probably.

they should talk to your boyfriend, hear he has experience in that department

A windswept fox with the caption 'IT FUCKEN WIMDY'

All my Scottish friends on Facebook today

The Presidents Council on Physical Fitness is a White House backed team of sex offenders, misogynist cultists, real dumb guys, Tony Romo deciding to make his perfect life shittier for no reason, and a pro wrestler geeked up on East German steroids and they want to look at your children’s genitals.

Fine we can have sex, but we have to do it in the living room so i can catch up on my stories

I often say that reporting on sex testing in sports is like reporting on a really twisted, 100 year game of wack-a-mole where we see the same things happen over and over. This is a great example. (A short thread, if you'll indulge me.)

Some people bought the little corner store I buy pizza from at work for lunch, and they immediately raised the price of pizza from $2.50 to $4 a slice and are sitting there getting upset nobody goes there anymore.

how to market a tv show:

1. announce commission
3. 6 months later announce casting
4. 6 months later announce the start of shooting, release "first look" stills from set
5. 6 months later announce wrap
6. 12 months later release box set at midnight without telling anyone, schedule for next week

I do like to post about things I like on social media but oh, what a crashing bore it is when people feel they must reply to tell you that they in fact didn’t like it and here are all the problems they have with it. Do you know you could just say nothing?

no that’s when it’s your turn to play with your dog. stick shift is the reason you need a new keyboard

How come the conspiracy nuts never call the Columbus Americas landing a hoax? We don't even have footage of that.

sorry, “stick shift” lol

americans sure do talk a big game about cars considering they break out in a nervous sweat at the thought of a manual transmission

[Johnson's formulating adult shampoo]

no. let them cry.

[sexting]

her: what are you wearing? ;)

me: as a large language model i cannot tell you what i am wearing, but this is most likely a reference to the idea of your interlocutor’s patience “wearing” thib

her: keep going i’m nearly there

as margaret thatcher said, the trouble with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people’s noses

the scene from midsommar of a path with swedish women dressed in white with flower crowns and the duolingo owl saying “this is your last swedish lesson!”

gm bsky

ATTENTION: do something worthwhile today and any day by following the extremely talented @leenmcbeans.bsky.social; they’re another reason why creativity comes from raw human talent and not silly 1s and 0s DO IT NOW I HAVE SPOKEN

I understand you’re gentle parenting your kid but can you please ask him to stop stabbing me with a shiv

fuck you, ocean. if you have something to say to me, say it to my face instead of through a shell, you piece of shit.

if there’s one thing that always goes well for politicians it’s lying about their nation’s economic situation. “we’re all rich!”, they say, and people who did not believe they were rich - because they know how much money they have - say “oh yes of course, silly us. can we vote for you twice?”

Edinburgh! A Passion for Passion at Underbelly, Bristo Square!

It's a show about writing a book about romance. If you love romance novels or if you have no idea how anyone could, this is for you.

11 - 25 Aug | 18:50

🎟️ https://www.edfringe.com/tickets/whats-on/alice-fraser-a-passion-for-passion