AHM

How will the billionaires fuck us next, once they finish buying all the homes? I’m sure they’ll figure out a way to make us all pay monthly for food. Start it out real cheap and convenient, kill off all the grocery stores and restaurants, then jack up the monthly rate to infinity.

Time for a mashup.

This is why I pay for Internet

We need to start calling it A.nal I.eakage. “Oh, you’re gonna replace your workforce with Anal Ieakage? Won’t that stink?”

SURF’s UP!!! 🌊👋

Same, it’s like a face-based queasiness, the lips, the cheeks, it all turns to poisoned rubber 🤢

Just running through twootter for a sec to brag that I saw a tall pug. A TALL PUG!!! This proves that Jesus loves me
🏃🏻‍♀️kbyee

Best long-form Adam Conover interview I’ve heard in a WHILE. This ep made me miss the pre-rot days when I had funny friends who would drop into character mid-sentence, while also bringing insights to a discussion that weren’t just regurgitated internet takes.

Congrats!

10 months! The teen era, full of ill-considered acts of daring mixed with oops-lept-onto-nuts-again! Thoughts and prayers!

🐈💨
🥜

Someone should write a horror movie about a woman running for her life while being relentlessly pursued by a forced software update.

Tried “High Intensity Interval Training” in my living room, but my cats were like, “lol that’s not how you do zoomies.”

Great, now I gotta hear my special someone rave about AOC’s butt in mom jeans

The first measles death in the US in a decade -- the tragic, preventable death of a child whose parents chose not to protect them with vaccination -- should spark an immediate nation-wide campaign to ensure all children are protected against preventable diseases. Anything less is unconscionable.

Sorry this one is in person because attendees take a proctored toileting exam to earn certification.

What’s a summer Friday? A Friday where you wear a sundress to work?

Cemeteries should have some of those “future resident” parking spaces like apartment complexes

Hosting a free professional development workshop today for my co-workers: Potty-Training and You: How Not to Piss All Over The Seat

Why does it always smell like jet fuel inside the plane before takeoff. I feel like the plane’s fart air should be separate from the human mouth germs air

it was bad when the worst poster on my favorite website bought that website and made it terrible but it has been worse having that person also buy my country that i live in

Excerpt from a public letter Roald Dahl wrote encouraging people to vaccinate their children. Olivia, my eldest daughter, caught measles when she was seven years old. As the illness took its usual course I can remember reading to her often in bed and not feeling particularly alarmed about it. Then one morning, when she was well on the road to recovery, I was sitting on her bed showing her how to fashion little animals out of coloured pipe-cleaners, and when it came to her turn to make one herself, I noticed that her fingers and her mind were not working together and she couldn’t do anything. “Are you feeling all right?” I asked her. “I feel all sleepy,” she said. In an hour, she was unconscious. In twelve hours she was dead. The measles had turned into a terrible thing called measles encephalitis and there was nothing the doctors could do to save her. That was twenty-four years ago in 1962, but even now, if a child with measles happens to develop the same deadly reaction from measles as Olivia did, there would still be nothing the doctors could do to help her. On the other hand, there is today something that parents can do to make sure that this sort of tragedy does not happen to a child of theirs. They can insist that their child is immunized against measles. I was unable to do that for Olivia in 1962 because in those days a reliable measles vaccine had not been discovered. Today a good and safe vaccine is available to every family and all you have to do is to ask your doctor to administer it.

The measles outbreak in Texas is reminding me of the public letter Roald Dahl wrote about losing his daughter to measles in 1962, just before the vaccine was publicly available.

Lol I’d love to see my coworkers try to computer for themselves while I’m away at farm camp

Luigi Mangione has released a statement to the public: "I am overwhelmed by and grateful for everyone who has written me to share their stories and express their support. Powerfully, this support has transcended political, racial, and even class divisions, as mail has flooded MDC from across the country, and around the globe. While it is impossible for me to reply to most letters, please know that I read every one that I receive. Thank you again to evervone who took the time to write. I look forward to hearing more in the future.

this man just replied to all his love letters on VALENTINE'S DAY. pimp shit.

She’s right. This is the exact playbook of oppression the German govt used 8-9 decades ago, but in warp speed.

This whole concept is new to me, and it explains so much.

In my self-defense classes I focus on how most people are socially conditioned to follow the norms of a civilized, polite society — and there is a MENTAL SHIFT required to use violence to defend from violence.

I'm reminded of this while watching our elected officials dithering and delaying. 1/

Google Maps Find local businesses, view maps and get driving directions in Google Maps.

if you want to (roller) skate Long Beach bike path but are scared to do it alone, hmu

maps.app.goo.gl/r91GG1fu8hPU...

Eyyyyyyyyy!

Photo from NYT showing painter covering words like "fairness, leadership, compassion, diversity, integrity" and more with gray paint at the FBI

The artwork "critical race theory" by Jonathan Harris, showing a blonde haired man covering up a painting of MLK Jr, Harriet Tubman, Malcolm X with white paint from a roller.

Life imitates art.

Please don’t drop zuck’s face in my timeline without fixing it up in fauxtoslop