jims

i hairdly know 'er

uromastyx underwater welder

no :(

when i was a child a strange man offered me a kinder surprise egg. i greedily bit in, cracking the chocolate shell only to discover i had been deceived! ghosts spewed forth from the cocoa crevice, spiralling into the night with murderous intent. it was no mere kinder egg, it was a Ghost Prison!

robust and generous with her bounty. we love the Hardware Hen and she loves Us

twelve eggs left in the Hardware Nest! what will hatch next? will it be a Makita DHP484Z 18V Mobile Brushless Heavy Duty Compact Hammer Driver Drill? maybe a can of solvent, or a bag of assorted screws? it's exciting not knowing. i only feel alive monitoring the eggs. the mystery keeps us all sane

puppets don't have bones

nothing prepares you for the sound of your own bones snapping. i hear it when i close my ears at night; the mellifluous flute trill of a tibia, or the meaty french horn honk of a knuckle bone. if i were to fall from a great height my bones would shatter, birthing a harmonic symphony of splinters

amen brother, let 'er rip

sand is just glass yet to realize it's potential. you look at a pristine stretch of beach and see summers with Father, a tipple of granita in the moonlight, listing your first sandcastle on zillow; i see a technicolour cathedral of stained glass effigies, a million Fathers rendered kaleidoscopic

hello tony, i hope this message finds you well. the children and i think of you often, of what horrors you must be facing over there on the western front. we pray for you every single day, so that the Good Lord may deliver you safely back into our arms.

with love,

jimantha

good luck and godspeed, sailor

yoda ant: kick him through a wall i will

ant: do you ever wonder what lies beyond the colony? we serve a thankless queen, beholden to her whims and yet in return receive nothing but more toil.

yoda ant: know i do not. little guy i found, under a leaf i did hmmmmm

bovino: ᵤₚₚᵢₑₛ!

at least the samurai in my backyard is quiet. he respects the peace, even as he drives his sacred blade through my tomatoes. i watch helplessly as he perfectly bisects every lemon on my tree, slashing green beans and carrots with calm determination. i sit, watching, quietly hoping that i'm next,

ah, nevertheless...

easily. ask it

thank you! i'm sending you a sample, it's a warm and nutty spice i'm calling 'Jormond's Mystic Sand'

design me a sandwich

PUT HIS MID-SIZE ASS IN THE GROUND

somebody raised that boy right

brother needs to learn that hovering kills the party, but levitating (!!) kicks that shit into 9th gear

shoutout bones

a tshirt that reads 'nobody wants to date a sensitive guy anymore'

when you get to hell, tell them #creamernation sent you

when the smoke clears and the dust settles, i will see every #CreamerNaysh seditionist to the gallows personally.

#creamernation forever

a 2nd head surgery

Big Friendship x

hell yes brother