Sequel to the Internet

Had to testify before congress today. So there’s that. 😕 But still pushing forward on the Internet 2 despite billionaires trying to stop it. I want to assure all of our early backers that they still get a pewter collector’s medallion.

The sequel to the internet won’t have an annoying Google. We have a guy named Luther who takes queries from you over the phone and then goes to the library to look up the answer. He will respond within two days. He takes Thursdays off.

hey escalator handrails that go faster than the escalator stairs, what are you doing

Storing up the disks in a warehouse for when we’re ready for a mass mailing. People get sick of downloading things for sure. Disk will also include a bonus desktop game Ski Free: Skyrim.

😲 I will admit that we got some of our engineers and programmers from Coleco and Intellivision.

Oh my. 😆We gotta work the Sega Cd in somehow.

a robot is sitting on top of a white cooler . Alt: Gif of white plastic robot used with old video game system. Moving arms side to side.

Big news for our Sequel to the Internet project! We’ve hired our new cybersecurity chief! How about an internet where the hackers are afraid of you!!!!

Give the groundhog a drug test!!!!!!!

🤩

You’re hired. Netflix going to need scripts for 10 episodes. And work a Hemsworth in there somewhere please.

Remember when we’d have snow days as kids, and we’d all stay home and play Ski Free??? Our new internet comes with a totally bonkers upgraded version. The snow is so realistic in 32bit. Plus the yeti has a backstory. You finally understand why he chases you.

Why did we call it Internet2 when “Twinternet” was right there???? (But seriously, the new internet we are developing is the better looking twin….and smarter. Like Mary Kate)

Trying to post an important update about our sequel to the internet project…but this server is so slow. Oh, right. Cause I’m using the old internet🤔 Sure be glad when some visionaries develop a new internet. lol. Just kidding…we totally are.

Sick of having to worry about grammar every time you send someone a sext? The new internet won’t allow grammar. And anyone whom uses grammar pays more.

Sharp eye. We’ve given it a good home. Not asking too much of it. It will be in charge of fonts.

Where did you get your PhD? And you’re hired by the way. 2k a week. And what’s your favorite brand of private jet?

Understandable. You are very discerning. And don’t worry, the driver will only use your shower. And whatever shampoo you use is fine for us.

Write out a money order to “bank.” Then we’ll drop by your house to pick it up. Also, the driver may need to use your bathroom.

We could use a being like you. How much do you know about nozzles?

Our sequel to the internet is on the bleeding edge of technology or innovation. Want to know more? Send us a SASE and we will mail you a b&w brochure. Are you ready to be one of the early kickstarters for our project?

It’s like ya’ll have Scott-canceling headphones on!

With our sequel to the internet your avatar can be a turtle with a crossbow. We don’t care. You do you.

Tired of having your internet freeze up when it snows? We brine our lines. It gets on some things but not everything. You can also see the temperature as of 3hrs ago.

Tech bros need not sign up. We don’t want you ruining our sequel to the internet. Tech bro free. Except for Trent. He’s pretty cool.

Kickstart us now!

Tired of hearing that AOL dial up noise every time you want to check your electronic mail? The sequel to the internet gets rid of all the hassle. Logging on to internet 2 you just hear some clicking. A dog barking .wav file and then just seven more clicks.

Imagine you’re playing 64Bit Minesweeper on the Internet2. While your friends are still playing the 8 bit version on the old internet. Chumps. Let’s design a sequel to the internet together. Invest in this incredible project now.

AI tells you what Pokémon to wear and names your baby for you. But one thing it can’t do is design a sequel to the internet. Well, okay, maybe it could, but don’t ask it to. Let’s build the next internet together with human hands. Invest today!

I was raised to believe that our porn was too precious to trust to robots and AI. On my sequel to the internet, the passion returns. You’ll see the couple or thruple actually enjoying the pizza that was just delivered...asking about each other’s days. The Internet 2 will save porn. Hands off A-I!

The caboose was always the period of a long train sentence. I find it a shame they don’t show up as often as they did when I was a kid.