Cool Hand Puke

Watching The Maze Runner (stoned) and this shit should've been called "We Call This The Thingy", because every 5 minutes the protagonist sees something weird and asks what it is, then another character says "We call it a Groofus"

You've heard of trauma dumping, but what about trauma dumpling? Is that something? I yearn for an end to this nightmare

Beaujolais Nouveau sucks ass and if you like it, you are stupid and morally deficient. Only Hell awaits you

Sometimes I get too high and obsess about what Lester Bangs would've thought about Imagine Dragons

Last night was a 404 error

Every time I have to Google the meaning of some new Internet slang, I feel a new wrinkle form at the creases of my weary eyes

If you're focused on criticizing Israel, but not taking about the persecution of Nlümoogs by the Kzumvet Imperium on Xesip 14, you need to admit that you're just an antisemite

Burn in hell, #hulkhogan, you racist, union-busting, piece of shit!

He is a loser of biblical proportions. A small-minded scumbag worthy of scientific study

People who watch Reels / Tik Tok with the volume on in public waiting rooms should be executed on the spot. Change my mind

White people love holding a door wide open, only for another white person to say "You're letting all the AC out"

And you're too busy fighting against Zohran, who has a clear mandate from the people. You are a spineless shill for the corporate elite, sucking at AIPAC's teat. Keep giving long, grandstanding speeches, you worthless cuck. You are an empty vessel, waiting to be filled with lobbyist money. Fuck you

'It's a Killing Field': IDF Soldiers Ordered to Shoot Deliberately at Unarmed Gazans Waiting for Humanitarian Aid - Israel News - Haaretz.com share.google/FUdcIN8G9GSH...

Zohran: Imagine living in a city where you can afford your rent, your groceries and even a meal at a restaurant now and then without much stress

Eric Adams: Imagine a platypus so powerful that it could destroy the city. We need more cops

"If the Middle Easterners didn't want us to desire their blood, they shouldn't have made it so dang delicious" - CEO of Raytheon probably

Tucker Carlson brutally dog-walking Ted Cruz is so funny, because it doesn't make Tucker look particularly smart, it just reveals how deeply fucking stupid Ted Cruz is

Every headline provides further justification for my vasectomy

If she dies, she dies 🤷

It’s a good thing Congress isn’t alive to see this

Keep telling yourself this comforting narrative. Palestinians did not get Trump elected. A Democratic party that sanctioned a genocide and moved to the center to appease moderate Republicans (a gambit which failed miserably) got Trump elected. Take a lil gander at exit polling

Tom Homan talks like he has three tongues in his mouth and they're all fighting each other

The irony is his posts read like a fed trying to entrap someone, yet it was merely him trapping himself

It's Dipshit Day at the Asshole Factory and, unbeknownst to me, I've been appointed Interim Foreman, after my predecessor unalived himself upon discovering that his wife of 24 years was catfishing him from an internet cafe in Lagos

Ah yes, ask an old, corrupt judge for a good take on cutting edge medical practices... Not a scientist or doctor... Great plan, guyliner!

The Cut article from 2018: Cuomo halted investigation into Weinstein case after $25K donation from his former lawyer

holy shit. Cuomo halted an investigation into the Weinstein case after a donation from Weinstein’s former lawyer’s firm to his reelection campaign…

guys, this was in 2018 AFTER the Weinstein exposés (multiple) had been published & the #metoo movement was ascendant

Then take the post down and apologize, you clout chasing loser

I like to tie my boots title-sequence-of-Dexter tight

Pro tip from an industry insider: if you would like to receive service from a retail/hospitality worker, please consider GETTING THE FUCK OFF YOUR FUCKING PHONE, YOU DUMB FUCK

White dudes talking about whiskey is top tier boring. No one fucking cares about the bottle of Eagle Rare you keep for special occasions, Seth

If this isn't hitting the nail perfectly on the head, I don't know what is