blueanon shaman

I have a devastating effect on the human body.

The statue's famous penis has been worn quite smooth and shiny by many years of visitors sucking it for good luck

INDEPENDENT Playgrounds would become 'crack dens' if Greens were in power, policing minister says

I’m sorry, I know it’s a minor point, but crack dens are traditionally indoor establishments. What the scaremongering Labour minister is describing here is a crack paddock.

The Department of Analogy and Metaphor has issued a 10 year ban on the word "energy".

yes... ha ha ha... YES

Harmon and Kirby are in a crowded cell. Harmon: Hey mister! Hey! Why are we in jail? ICE agent: *Sigh* I’m sorry miss. You’re a bit too young to understand this, but some types of people are just supposed to be in jail. ICE agent: If we don’t do this, it’s longer lines at the bank, Bobby Witt Jr. losing MVP to an oriental, and something called “fiesta” lime chicken at Applebees. It’s best for everyone. ICE agent: I may be old-fashioned, but it doesn’t make me want to “fiesta” when my chicken comes with a little cup of “salsa.” My wife almost had a stroke! Harmon: My dad said that Applebees is the Facebook of restaurants. ICE agent: Maybe, little girl. Maybe. We don’t go there anymore. We just stay home now, and get mad about commercials we heard people talking about at work.

MR PRESIDENT TRUMP, SIR

IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO SHOW STRENGTH AND ORDER THE AIR FORCE TO BOMB THE "WOKE" SUPREME COURT!!!

IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO ENSURE THE SUCCESS OF YOUR AGENDA AND MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN

GOD BLESS

Leftist memes:

Modern fandom is an invalid way of consuming media 👍

i'm inventing an electric pickup truck that can roll massive vape clouds

'we were promised flying cars' but for not having replaced our eyes with bundles of antennae like the tentacles of a sea anemone swaying in unseen currents yet

the concept of a walking mushroom is inherently scary, yet fascinating, because it taps into the primal anxiety of a fungus being able to kick you in the dick

sure it may seem cool to be able to flash-freeze your blood and shoot it out as spines on command but then you get light-headed, fall over, and your own blood-spine traps you between floorboards and you have to wait for it to melt. many have fallen for this

i astral projected myself back in time to bluesky's founding and discovered it's a cia op to provide a channel into the noösphere for this giant alien brain they're keeping in a tube in the rockies

i like muting because it allows them to see my posts and get mad about it, but i don't have to see anything they do

wasn't lana del raytheon running that account

while you’re yelling “go scotus” or “go john roberts”, im yelling “go small business owners and the rule of law”

when people ask "what is the hyperreal?" i can refer them to this account

“ew you let your cats on the counter”

buddy i’d let them k*ll you if they wanted

i'm sure expressing this idea with the grace and fluency it deserves justified the three acres of rainforest generating the picture burned

how much child pornography is on your computer?

This weather is odd, but nothing to be concerned about. Go about your business.

someone on mastodon once told me that they had a vision of jesus induced by my posts. the only surprising thing about this is that they're the only one so far

thank you for telling us what tactics the bolsheviks are using to mind-poison our freedoms sir

the only 'two factor authentication' i need, are the two natures of our lord and saviour jesus christ 🙏

i was looking for this fanfic where i remember this becoming a plot point. it was about dobby, rechristened do🅱️🅱️y, repping the bloods, but apparently it's been taken down by its author, xeni jardin, after receiving heavy criticism for being incredibly racist

i astral projected myself back in time to bluesky's founding and discovered it's a cia op to provide a channel into the noösphere for this giant alien brain they're keeping in a tube in the rockies

pretty fucked up that i log on here to post gold like this and get 0 favs for it. ko-fi link in bio

it takes dobby the house elf an hour to cum, and three days to recover

sure it may seem cool to be able to flash-freeze your blood and shoot it out as spines on command but then you get light-headed, fall over, and your own blood-spine traps you between floorboards and you have to wait for it to melt. many have fallen for this