Nick Pettigrew

Well, that was a series of things that happened.

The first was stupid but fun. This is stupid but not fun, like a badly-written tax form.

Speaking of turds, here's Matt.

Derek Jacobi, with a job lot of turd bow ties.

Dog monkeys? The fuck?

Here comes Denzel with his silk purse pattern in his pocket.

"The last film had one perverted, weak, cruel leader so how about TWO this time? With make up, because reasons?"

Paul's being transported on a slave ship where they allow everyone to wander around below deck and the ship has portholes big enough to move a wardrobe through them. Suspect realism won't be at a premium.

Night Watch if you want to cry, Guards, Guards if you want to laugh.

Watching Gladiator 2 because I make poor life decisions. Five minutes in & it's belching stale spectacle into my face without bothering to suggest who's the antagonists, why they're doing this, who I'm rooting for or what on Earth is going on. Like entering halfway through a row. Not a great start.

They share a common enemy with Trump - stairs.

Gah, dammit, hadn't seen this. Happy to delete mine and RT.

"I gate glack geople"

NOBODY TOUCHES THE MONKEY BUT ME

"Next up it's Bob Jenrick and Cheeky Circuit Judge!"

Pam Bondi doesn't care that this table is reserved, has no idea where that bottle of wine in the cooler went and *wants* you to go get the manager because she's going to sue this whole chain of bars for harassing her, actually.

"Why do you think 20 councillors have defected to Reform?" might elicit an answer about Tory failings (it won't because Badenoch but y'know).
"Go on, say something about Farage" is designed to produce heat rather than light & a soundbite when she inevitably snaps or refuses. It's sports reporting.

There was the teacher who was rumoured to be grooming pupils and was subsequently given 6yrs in jail for doing exactly that or the pupil who went on to be a Page 3 model who murdered her boyfriend in a restaurant with her steak knife. I always said if she'd ordered the soup he'd still be alive.

(UK political journalists finish wiping the clay from their hands as they look up at the amphibian-faced, pint-brandishing golem in a Barbour jacket)
"The govt is failing to deal with this golem. Isn't that right, golem?"
(They lay offerings at its feet & stick a microphone under its nose).
"SPEAK"

I'm not sure "The press keep pushing the same line for the sake of the drama they need to stay relevant so it would be weird at this point if they suddenly stopped doing it" is the best argument. It feels a bit "Well I had to pay off *my* student loans, why shouldn't they?" They could just...stop?

Like Otto in A Fish Called Wanda, she may have read it but she hasn't understood any of it.

While this is a clown car crashing into a rake factory, Badenoch accidentally has one decent answer by pointing out the political media's insistence on framing every interview through the lens of The Clacton Toad.
"I asked Starmer the same question"
So you made the same mistake twice. Well done.

In my old ASB job, if I asked somebody whether they'd done something they'd been accused of doing & their first answer was that the person accusing them had done (x) bad thing & why wasn't I investigating *them*, it was a fairly safe bet that they were guilty.

There's a world in which they don't win this.

"If you want me to quote from ECHR rulings it'll cost you extra, Robert,"

"We can't have in this country communities where there's a heavy preponderance of one group or another" says the MP for Newark, which has a 95% white population .

What he means is "I don't like seeing lots of non-white faces all in the same place, they must be up to something."

All that Russian money and Arron Banks still dresses like a heart attack wrapped in dish rags.

Insurrection is it?

As a Brit, the veneration of SNL is hard to understand. You'll see somebody say "OMG this was my favourite sketch growing up" & it's some guy in a bad wig behind a game show podium looking into the wrong camera saying "Don't give me cheese and tell me it's chicken!" while the audience goes nuts.

I've been at standup gigs that were pulled with a bigger audience than this. This is 'Edinburgh show on the
outskirts of town, your posters & flyers never turned up, you didn't get your listing entry into the brochure on time & the venue just lost its alcohol license' numbers.

"We moved into a large, expensive house where we made love constantly."