Alistair King

“I just saw a boat full of scouts go speeding past”

“How many knots were they doing?”

“All of them”.

Speak for your bourgeois self, mate; as a proportion of the age of the universe, you barely have to go back in time at all to when my ancestors were pond-dwelling slime who couldn't even use a knife and fork.

Don't know. Some pundits are suggesting the Greens. But I wouldn't make a prediction myself beyond the above and that tactical voting is likely to come into play, just to be on the safe side in keeping the odious little man out.

Two predictions with which you'll struggle to disagree:

1) Goodwin will lose in Gorton and Denton, and it probably won't even be that close

2) Because he'll still get a reasonable chunk of the vote, Reform will gloat and snipe at every party to their left, and much of the media will echo this shit

It’s Diana Ross, who went solo but, many decades ago, started her career in The Supremes.

My jokes are nothing if not topical.

*She's* not a supreme leader; *this* is a supreme leader.

Ah, 2019, the election after which Boris Johnson decided to reverse Nigel Farage's cherished Brexit rather than push on through with the hardest form of it short of no deal...

And of course they're ex-pats, never migrants...

Unfortunately, as it turns out, 'The Best of Beethoven', the 90-minute offering I found on YouTube is - and don't get me wrong, it's great - like listening to the soundtrack of 'A Clockwork Orange', and that's not very conducive to work.

Doing some boring work on my laptop and am trying to drown out the ambient sounds of the Wetherspoons I'm in. Trouble is it's not quite so brainless that I can listen to my favourite pop hits, which have distracting lyrics. So I've gone for classical. Tell you what, that Beethoven is good, isn't he?

Refreshing honesty from Lee Anderson on Matthew Goodwin's efforts to become an elected wanker.

Yeah, pitch wasn't a bad shout - just not what was in my mind.

Thanks. It just occurred to me this morning when I passed a hoarding.

Not sure I can do that - but I can tell you the solution, which is float.

Not quite...

Suggest a loft conversion (5)

Altered quotes for ex-Tories, #1 in an ongoing series:

Better to remain in the wilderness and be thought an arsehole than to join Reform and remove all doubt.

Isn't he just!

You can have two, the first letters of each of the words: F and A.

Shropshire doesn't exist. It's a long-running hoax orchestrated by landowners in the surrounding counties, dating back to 1215, when a loophole for avoiding stamp duty was spotted.

Reform UK foreign class: he describes Farage and friends (7,9)

VHS, mate.

Reform is basically a suburban petrol station's DVD bin of Tory politicians.

BREAKING: Braverman veers leftwards and joins Reform.

Technology is a mixed blessing.

Despite being limited to a dumb phone, my 12-year-old daughter recently bought a new iPad with her savings, and she can send me messages from it.

Very, very lazy messages.

One of our cats is called fluffle, incidentally. Or Fluffle. I tend to capitalise names.

We’re missing #TheTraitors, as evidenced by my 12-year-old daughter drawing Claudia.

Lembit Öpik

Yep. “This is not who we are WHEN WE REALLY TRY” would be more accurate, both in the US and the UK.

Bold caveat at the start of your thread, by the way. If I did that with all applicable posts, similar wording would constitute a massive chunk of my output on here.

In the recent past, I’d have said this was hyperbole. It still might be. But I have no confidence to say it definitely isn’t - the second bit, I mean; I’m thoroughly convinced of the degradation of American democracy.

From the Facebook archive. Haha.