stan edward

🚮

The moment when you finally know for sure there’s no reciprocity? It’s no fun! But what can ya do? (You can stop replying to their periodic messages sent when they’re bored and no one else is responding)

italian horror fans'll be like "you don't know Argento Fusilli? Oh, you must see "The Yellow Knife." It's shot all in green, except the blood. There's a 45 minute shot of a nun crucifying a clown with huge needles. A masterpiece"

Owners, don’t read this
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Cheesecake, pss pss pss

Only if you start an amateur wrestling club to accompany the interest

Behind the Bastards is also a great one to binge. I’m on maybe my 20th episode. Can someone give me a job

I’ve been listening to the Back from the Borderline podcast, and despite not exactly feeling like the intended audience, I’m really enjoying it. It’s forcing me to go back and investigate my own mom’s psych research—the stuff I blocked out as an annoying teen who knew everything

I believe that the nuclear power plant proposed for the moon is critical to providing clean energy to all of the manufacturing facilities currently on the moon.

lotion bidet

Vernon Grandpop

You rascal, you poltroon!

I don’t know who any of you are

Bon voyage!

You okay, NYC? Don’t shake apart before I make it back there

in light of recent events i have decided to become evil

What's fuckin annoying is when some eye roll bs your therapist told you to do actually works. Great, you were right. Here have a prize

Spend enough time in roles where you’re a change agent and you can tell when what they think they want and what they actually want aren’t aligned

Wow. I had an interview so bad I stood up in the middle of it, thanked the guy for his time, and left 🤷‍♂️

[pants falling off my body as I walk] “Do you think I’m gaining weight again?”

Breaking out the clothing steamer for the first time in idk how long. I’m back in the big leagues, daddy! Are you proud?? Oh right you’re dead

Help! We got so smart we got dumb again

Please rate and review my ass

Wake up —> wash face —> load chemicals into body —> load reasonable breakfast into body —> load beverages into body —> RUN

Re-posts do not equal an endorsement but mean that we are bound together through space and time for all of eternity.

Homemade Cuban bread on a drying rack

A crispy golden loaf of homemade bread

It’s time to GET THAT BREAD. I haven’t made bread in a couple years hope I remember how to do it

If they’ve blocked you on every app, good news: they clearly want to see you in person.
Stay tuned for more life-saving tips.

Purchasing all of the hamster tubes in the Western Hemisphere to build a 238,855-mile supertube with the noble aim of putting a hamster on the moon by 2026.

Guys, I’m sorry but I cannot keep up with all of your intimate, complicated ass handshake-hug combos. A fist bump would be perfectly fine thanks