Mark

Hilariously, half the replies to this are from people going “When I was at Oxford/Cambridge…”

We got rid of our criminals and Christian fundamentalists and now look at them.

A more accurate headline would have been ‘Britons shocked to learn Yahoo and AOL still exist’.

He'll probably annexe Greenpeace

The President of Indonesia's not letting anyone near Chas

Look at the President of Indonesia. Absolute unit. We should send him to knock Trump over.

I mean, he won't remember though, will he?

Have we considered just letting Trump think he runs Greenland the way he thinks he runs Venezuela? Maybe just give him a hat that says ‘King of Greenland’ that he can parade about in?

He's not smiling. Comedians can't smile. It's a stress signal.

Grandpa Simpson explaining how he wore an onion on his belt.

Just watched that Trump speech.

Not sure what everyone in Europe is so worried about...the Americans will have a civil war and destroy each other waaaaaaaaaaaaay before they get round to us.

Is this the secret signal to our nuclear subs?

I am on a lot of guitar forums. A big guitar brand just closed it's US online store because of tariffs. To say people aren't being nice about the Orange Chimp on the forums is an understatement. If he's pissing off a bunch of middle-aged men who like guitars, imagine who else he's pissing off.

Oh no, that would be devastating if we never had to sit through another two and whatever hours of your weirdo boring space Smurf drama. Absolutely devastating.

Windsock.

Don't threaten us with a good time.

Let's be honest, we all have a small part of us that secretly wants to see the USA somehow lose a war to 50,000 Greenlanders.

I am watching a science thing and I have realised that the greatest scientific mystery of our time is ‘What does Brian Cox’s forehead look like?’. Nobody has ever seen it. Does it even exist? Where does it begin and end? Can we see the edge of it? Try to visualise it. You can’t. Nobody can.

Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Reindeers

I will never tire of calling Tijjani Reijnders Tony Reindeers.

Right now, Maduro is tied up in the Oval Office being forced to enjoy another of Prostetnic Trump’s Truth Social posts.

Not back at work until Tuesday so today is my Saturday. And Tuesday is my Monday. And Friday is, ummm, Thursday?

It's almost as if he recognises his first duty is to protect the UK's interests and guide the country through this mess and not in fact to make Green Party members on Bluesky feel a bit better about themselves.

Same. Also Interpol and Doves.

It's good they've kept the 80s look for the special effects.

I mean, I did actually go for a brisk walk, but that's not relevant...

I'd love to say I started 2026 by getting up early, going for a brisk walk and getting loads done. No. Today I watched Leeds vs Liverpool, literally one of the dullest football matches I have ever witnessed. That's how my 2026 started.

They really need to put a ‘Return’ key on the left side of keyboards too.

When did the Firefox browser become such a piece of crap? Constantly crashes or freezes now. Barely usable.

Ask Farage 3 questions in a TV debate and he’s done - where does he stand on fox hunting? Where does he stand on gun ownership? And where does he stand on Putin?

I though it was a train. I THOUGHT IT WAS A TRAIN.